Obligated to Draft Mormons on Fantasy NFL Team?

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I love Fantasy NFL Football. Anybody who collected baseball cards as a kid and cares about how many rushing yards Clinton Portis rushes for in the year 2012 in Madden has no choice but to play Fantasy. Without fantasy, how could you obey the Word of Wisdom and soberly enjoy a Houston/Jacksonville stinkfest that ends 17-13?

I play with my friends from work in a Yahoo league (draft) and with my family in a Sporting News league (salary cap). Every year as I prepare for my annual Yahoo Draft I struggle with three questions. My draft should happen this weekend, and here is what I wrestle with:

1. How will my 1st round pick suffer a season-ending injury by week 3? Will it be an ACL? Fractured vertabrae? Sports hernia? Concussion? Nasty turf-toe/athletes foot combo? (On a related note - Ahaman Green, you killed me last year, jerk!)
2. How do I always end up drafting ninth in a ten team league? After the top four RB's (LJ, S. Alexander, LT, Tiki) and perhaps Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, who cares if you draft seventh or seventieth? Look out Lamont Jordan, here I come. Ugh.
3. Do I have an obligation to draft Mormons on to my team?

The answer to question 3 in my opinon is, "No".......with a but. Yes it's nice to put a member on the roster, but usually only via free agency and if the matchup is right. If you can pull it off, you can call your team the "Stormin' Mormons" and then use it as a way to tell your co-workers that Rob Morris, who decapated a WR going over the middle, is an RM just like you. Not only does it open doors to sharing the gospel, but Brother Morris just picked you up 11 points with his 9 solo and 2 assisted tackles. This is pre-2005, of course. Unfortunately fro Rob there are no points for goatee lenght.

According to the wildly inaccurate Google search that I did for "Mormons in the NFL", here are some of the better options for this years' team, if you are so inclined:

1. Todd Heap - TE - Ravens. 75 receptions for 855 years and 7 TD's in 2005. In a league desperate for quality TE's he's one of the best. Arizona State alum did not serve a mission but should have another big year.
2. Kevin Curtis - WR - Rams. 60 receptions for 801 yards and 6 TD's in 2005. Utah State graduate who served a mission to London. Keeps getting better every year and could eclipse 1,000 yards this year.
3. Doug Jolley - TE - Buccaneers. 29 receptions, 324 yards and 1 TD (yawn). BYU grad and RM who should fit in better in Tampa Bay given the defences in the NFC South. Chris Simms will need to get off a lot of short, quick releases.
4. Every Polynesian TE in the NFL who is good for 12 catches for 125 yards per year.
5. Donovan McNabb - Just have a gut feeling that this is the year he finally goes to Sacrament Meeting with Andy Reid and Chad Lewis and gets converted.

Todd Heap is about the only legitiamte LDS
option for Fantasy Football this year

Are there any other famous LDS NFL players that I don't know about? Please post any thoughts about the upcoming fanstasy season, how your draft went, what excuses you are preparing when you finish 4-10 this year and don't make the playoffs, heartbreaks from last year, etc. Does anybody want to put together and post an all-time Mormon Fanstasy team for discussion's sake?

5 comments

Dave said...

Dave,

Please tell me you've at least heard of fantasy football. You havn't lived until one of your middle-of-the-road wide receivers goes for 8 receptions, 125 yards and 2 TD's to pull out a win against a cocky co-worker.

Maybe I'll teach you how to play next year.....

5:47 PM
Dave said...

Amy explained to me how it all works. Sounds like fun.

4:01 PM
Anonymous said...

Totally cute fantasy summary! I'm so proud to be your brother :-)!!!!

10:16 PM

You forgot John "Don't Swear at me during contract negociations" Tate

5:52 AM