Global Warming - Guh?

Friday, October 20, 2006

I love the minor controversy the side comment about global warming has created. Let me clarify two things:

1. Rush Limbaugh - My car radio has not worked for a long, long time and I have not listened to Rush in ages. I listen almost exclusively to ESPN podcasts, which feature heavy doses of Keith Olberman. Keith started at ESPN and moved to MSNBC where he is one of the network's most outspoken liberal commentators. If anything, the main political voice that I hear these days is Keith Olberman, who can somehow blame the Kobe/Shaq breakup on the Republican-controlled House.

2. The GEICO Cavemen prove that global warming is a non-issue. Let me explain. There are brilliant scientists who can convincingly prove that the planet has either been cooling since 1979 or that it will explode like an egg in a microwave by 2015 unless we all start riding bicycles (that study was sponsored by Schwinn). They are all much more informed in this area than I am, so I don't believe either side. Honestly, I hope global temperatures rise by 10 degrees. Give me 85-degrees year 'round and I’m thrilled. I don't like being cold.

Now to tie this in to the GEICO Cavemen who would have suffered through an ice age that suddenly covered the entire planet. Here is a great quote from the BBC’s Science & Nature website:
“This Neanderthal stood no more than 1.65m (5' 4") tall, but he had a robust and powerful build - perfect for his Ice Age environment…The popular image of the Ice Age is a period of unremitting freezing conditions. But over nearly a million years, Europe has seen huge climate swings including warm as well as cold periods. For much of the last 200,000 years, when Neanderthals were alive, the climate was mild, sometimes even warmer than today's. But they did also have to live through periods of intense cold.”

In other words, the earth has shown us over the centuries that its temperature is going to wildly fluctuate, regardless of human involvement. The polar ice caps left behind from the global ice age melted away because of natural environmental changes, not because the Cavemen were irresponsibly cooking too many wildebeest over open flames. (Though had Al Gore been alive at the time, he may have contended this was the case). I realize that that we as an industrialized world burn a lot of junk into the atmosphere, but in my very unscientific opinion it's no big deal. In a couple of years, something else will take the place of global warming as the topic du-jour. Perhaps it will be how the corn grown for our ethanol-powered cars should be given to people who are starving to death in underdeveloped nations.

I can already picture the Sweat Family Reunion in 2065 and I will bring up the, “Remember when people thought global warming was going to kill us all?” question. We will all chuckle a bit, get into our hover cars, float to our dwelling pods, watch Survivor Season 78, laugh at another GEICO Caveman commercial, and then go to bed praying that the earth doesn’t explode like an egg in the microwave before the sun comes up.

7 comments

Dave said...

Very funny blog, Andrew. I didn't expect you to be such a good writer. As a scientist (or at least I try to be) I must admit that there is a lot of evidence that human activities in the last 200 years have contributed significantly to a major environmental change. The problem is, people have only been recording weather statistics and paying attention for the last 200 years. So it is really hard to say where the environment is heading. Whether or not the huge amounts of pollution and green house gases we have dumped into the atmosphere will cause Earth to boil or to slip into another ice age is still to be seen. As a religious person I have a very optimistic view of our future which is that the burning at the second coming will get us all before the weather has a chance. I hope to be on the side roasting marshmallows and not fuel for the fire. Which brings up an interesting thought; maybe the burning foretold in the second coming is actually global warming. Our own sins and irresponsibility coming back to bite us in the end. bwaa haa haa

9:47 AM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. 11:17 AM

Dave,
Great post! Made me laugh. If global warming will be the cleansing by fire at the Second Coming, then is Al Gore the modern John the Baptist?

11:18 AM

Really, bro, you are a most excellent writer. Loved your post. As far as global warming is concerned . . . I'm really not informed enough to make any educated statements about it. But I do think most scientists agree that we're contributing to warming, and that warming could have a plethora of negative consequences, some of which could completely immerse your beloved Lakers in sea water, therefore making any kind of a championship bid very, very difficult. I'm actually more disturbed that you refuse to see movies with Tim Robbins or George Clooney. What about "Shawshank"??? What about "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (which, come to think of it, is a strikingly appropriate title for this discussion!! :-) And I know smiley faces are frowned upon, but sometimes I have to use them. So sue me. Surely you've caught Shawshank on TBS at some point in your life, since it's rerun virtually nonstop. You GOTTA love that movie! Put the politics aside! And George Clooney is so cute it's possible to forgive him of just about anything, mainly because of the dimples. Don't you think??
(Okay, now I really know that last sentence crossed the line on a manly blog like this one. Feel free to edit me.)
Love ya,
Ang

1:11 PM

Ang,

You are totally banned from posting due to the smiley face and gratuitous use of the word "cute". You will be hearing from my attorney.

Shawshank and O Brother were good movies, I'll give you that. I saw them on TBS long before I had any understanding of what the people I was watching stood for. This may sound petty to you, but I would not see those movies if they were released today simply becuase I now know what Tim Robbins represents.

It's hard to take politics out of it when three of George Clooney's last movies have been Three Kings (Iraq war), Good Night and Good Luck (McCarthyism) and Syriana (Oil). As long as Mr. Dimples cutie-pants continues to aggressively push his political agenda, you simply cannot pretent it doesn't exist and passively watch his movies. It's like trying to tell a Jazz fan, "During tonight's game, just pretend that Kobe Bryant isn't an adulterer, accused rapist, Jazz killer, egomaniac...."

To be honest, I rarely see movies anymore. Between rentals and going to the theater, I might see 8-10 movies a year, most of which are PG. Movies just don't interest me. It is very difficult to find a movie that is not crude, profane, or violent. I'd rather spend my time and money on things that represent who I am and what I believe. Ya know, like on Cold Stone...mmmmmm....Cold Stone.

9:53 PM

Drew, Forrest here. So it turns out you were named after McCarthy. No wait, Andrew McCarthy starred in Pretty in Pink and Weekend at Bernies, Joe McCarthy was dubiously credited with the Hollywood witch hunt that ruined the lives of so many left wing actors. Is your middle name Joe? Let the actors rant, every once in a while they say something interesting. If you can't agree with Tom Cruise on the current state of modern psychiatry, you're not a very agreeable person in my mind.
On the topic of global warming you are very correct that the earth has warmed and cooled cyclically for thousands/ millions/ billions of year. But there are always consequences.
Since the Republican party controls the big oil companies and therefore gets access to all new fossil evidence years before it is turned over to the paleontologists of the world, they have been able to keep the following truth fully hidden; those tiny T-rex arms that seem so useless to us today were actually developed over just a few generations to allow the gentle giants to more effectively power knit enormous shawls for all of their dinosaur friends to counter the rapidly cooling weather. It's true, they've found huge piles of the knitting needles in the current oil fields of Venezuela (where, of course, the US government has placed a puppet regime. Like the whole "Bush is Satan" ruse is going to convince us otherwise. ) You can find out more about the current situation at Clooneyaintlooney.com.

4:34 PM

Forrest,

First of all, I think I was named after Andrew Shue. My dad really admired both the breadth and depth of his acting in Melrose Place.

And ssshhhhhh..... on the T-Rex and Venezuela stuff. You just can't let vast right wing conspiracies out of the bag right before the mid-term elections. What are you trying to do, ensure a Hillary victory in '08 and give her control of both the House and Senate?

I went to clooneyaintlooney.com and it doesn't exist. Therefore, he must be looney. Thank you for proving my point. Please share this with Ang.

9:55 AM