Sometimes people just disappear. Sometimes things just vanish. They drop off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. Give this topic some thought and your comments to this post could land you the coveted "Hagoth Award" which is explained below.
This week there has been an alarming number of both people and inanimate objects that have either announced that they are riding off into the sunset or had it thrust upon them by outside forces. This week's posting is to give out the "Hagoth Award" for things or people who fit the pattern that Hagoth established in the Book of Mormon. In Alma 63:5-8 we read that Hagoth built ships, sailed with people northward, then disappeared. Specifically we learn two things about Hagoth:
1. He was an exceedingly curious man ("curious" in this case is interpreted to mean...umm..how to say this delicately?.....ok-weird, strange, odd, Napoleon Dynamite-ish. When I meet Hagoth one day I will maintain that I always thought he must be creative, adventurous, and inquisitive, which is true. But for the purposes of this post, we are saying weird, ok?).
2. He was, "never heard of more."
In the past few days there have been a couple of Hagoth-like disappearances, either immediate or planned, that caught me completely off guard:
1. Mr. Eko from Lost - After the man survives two separate gunfights with drug dealers, a plane crash, a massive hatch implosion, and a viscious polar bear attack, I though he was indestructable. Unfortunately, he wasn't strong enough to withstand being slammed against the trees by a mysteriously powerful black smoggy cloud. Any drug-selling, homocidal, brother-betraying, lunatic-turned-Priest definitely qualifies as "curious". With his untimely death, he may never be heard from more.
2. Bob Barker. On Halloween Bob Barker announced that he is going to retire as the host of The Price is Right by saying, "I will be 83 years old on December 12 and I've decided to retire while I'm still young." Bob is definitely of a curious nature as he has actively surrounded himself with rabid, screaming, oddly-dressed people whom he consistently reminds to spay and neutre their animals. (Members of the Sweat/Huish clan who have been audience members are exempt from the rabid part of that description. You've been downgraded to "somewhat fanatical"). Happy trails, Bob.
3. The Ford Taurus. After 21 years as one of the best-selling sedans in the United States, Ford Motor company announced this week that it is discontinuing the Taurus. The Sweat family had a Taurus that got us around for several years when I was a teenager. The Taurus was such an upgrade from our Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme (which is beginning to sound more and more like a Taco Bell item.."Yeah, I'll have a nacho supreme, two bean burritos, two crunchy taco supremes, and a cutlass supreme, please.") that to me the Taurus was luxurious. It did curiously break down frequently, but it was a part of our family for years. Kind of like Tony.
4. The Pink Flamingo. The iconic, curious front yard decoration is dead at 49. The patent-holding manufactured, Union Products, announced that it will no longer produce the strange birds due to "increases in costs of electricity and plastic resin combined with loss of financing". I truly believe that their PR firm decided to use that softer explanation instead of the one that we are all thinking in our heads right now, which is, they are ugly, cheap, and likely to start Hatfield-McCoy relationships amongst neighbors once the appear in the lawn.
While these four things are going the way of Hagoth, we all have people or things that we wish would do us all the favor by doing the same. Please comment to this posting by listing the three people or things that you consider curious and wish that they would just disappear. The three best entries will be awarded the Hagoth Award. Have fun and try not to mourn too much over Bob Barker.