Saturday, December 16, 2006
This weekend is the big 2-hr. Survivor season finale, which is one of the few t.v. programs that gets me excited every year. I am really pulling for Ozzie to win it all, though I am convinced that he is 1/3 man, 1/3 lemur, and 1/3 dolphin based on his performances in the challenges.
Whenever Latter-day Saints show up on reality programs I get a little bit anxious. As the narrator of Survivor, Amazing Race, etc. introduces all of the participants in the first episode and says, "...And then there is Nephi Jackson, a recluse Mormon cattle rancher from Kanab, Utah....." I start to fret, wring my hands, and think to myself, "oh, please, don't blow it, Nephi. You've got the whole world watching, just be normal, play it cool, and don't embarass the other twelve million of us." Sometimes it works out well, like with Neleah who almost won Survivor a few years ago. Sometimes it backfires, like with the drama queen from The Real World who got kicked out of BYU.
Anywho, as a tribute to Survivor and famous Mormons throught the world, I have simulated a full season of Survivor: LDS All-Stars. The remaining four finalists are:
1. John Heder - Star of Napoleon Dynamite. Has primarily been kept around camp because he uses the skills he learned during his Fishing Merit Badge to feed the team. He was also critical at keeping peace in the camp and diffused a tense arguement between Danny Ainge (Former NBA player and current Boston Celtics' GM) and Harry Reed (Democrat - Nevada, current Majority Whip) by saying in his Napoleon voice, "Gosh! Why can't you guys just shut up! This is retarded!" Everybody laughed, Danny and Harry hugged, and John's stock rose.
2. Gladys Knight - Legendary singer. Gladys has survived by being the mother figure to the rest of the group. Showing her southern hospitality, she is constantly making sure people are comfortable, have fresh water, and can cry on her shoulder when they miss their families. A touching moment was hearing her gently sing "Amazing Grace" as Kevin Rollins (CEO of Dell) lamented the recent 12% drop in Dell's stock price which cost him nearly half a billion dollars.
3. Rulon Gardner - Gold medalist in Greco Roman Wrestling who pulled off perhaps the most stunning upset in Olympic history by defeating Alexander Karelin of Russia. Affectionately called "Brother Bunyon" by the group, Rulon is the workhorse of the team. Always bringing back water, uprooting fruit trees trees, gathering firewood, etc. and he claims he's happy to do it. Tragedy struck when he "accidentally" stepped on Marie Osmond's leg on day 4, forcing Marie off of the show and into traction. Rulon's true self emerged as he confessed to the camera, "Marie was a bigger threat than a triple nelson. Rulon's here to win, and Rulon's got to do what Rulon's got to do".
4. Ken Jennings - Won 74 straight games of Jeopardy and pocketed over $3 million in earnings. Possibly the smartest man on the planet, Ken never blended with the rest of the group. On Day 1, Steve Young (Former NFL MVP) told the rest of the contestants, "We've got to get the walking encyclopedia out of here. He freaks me out, the way he just sits there and silently observes everything. You can just hear him thinking over there". Everybody agreed with Steve to get rid of Ken. Sensing he was on the chopping block, Ken orchestrated a massive arguement between Steve and Sherri Dew, which fractured the team and allowed him to slip by. Ken then found the immunity idol without even going to exile island (don't ask me to explain, the guy just figured it out, okay?) but had to play the idol when Kathleen Burton Clarke (Director of the Bureau of Land Management) organized enough votes against him.
There are two immunity challenges left:
1. Contestants need to eat 1/2 pound of live cockroaches, swim to pick up pieces to a puzzle, solve the puzzle, then build a fire to burn the rope and raise their flag.
2. Contestants are given a Church History quiz.
The jury will consist of:
-Kathleen Burton Clarke
-Jewel (Singer, allowed on the show though she has never been active)
-Orson Scott Card (My favorite author and fellow Greensboro, NC resident)
-Mitt Romney (Governor of Massachusetts)
-2 of the 4 remaining contestants who get voted off
Here is today's challenge:
Post answers to each of the three questions below:
1. Who wins the first immunity challenge and why/how?
2. Who wins the second immunity challege and why/how?
3. Who wins Survivor: LDS All-Stars and what shocking things take place that sway the votes of the jury?
Posts need to come in by Thursday 12/21 to be counted. The winner will get a special Jeff Probst-realted prize. Have fun!
Posted by The Normal Mormon Husband at 9:07 AM