My State's Better Than Your State!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Our family recently took a little trip to Palmyra, NY for the Hill Cumorah Pageant, tour the Joseph Smith farm, and see other historical church sites. People descend from all over the nation to see the pageant. There were even a handful of people who I am fairly certain came to Cumorah from other planets because most earthlings have stopped screaming insults through megaphones and holding picket signs at religious events, but that's a separate issue. We ended up seeing license plates from 23 states that were normally affixed to the backs of large minivans, station wagons, and suburbans. It was interesting to read the slogans from each of these states as they try to build a brand image across the country. There was one state in particular that caught our interest with two different slogans that it was using because, in my opinion, were outright lies. The state in question - Ohio.

One slogan for Ohio claims that it is the, "Home of Aviation". The last time I checked the Wright brothers took off in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, not Ohio. This monumental event is permanently emblazoned on each NC license plate as we proudly proclaim that our state is the "First In Flight". Given Ohio's brazen attempt to usurp our claim to aerial supremacy, I think that NC should change its slogan to "First in Flight - Take That, Ohio!" but Governor Easley has yet to return my repeated phone calls on this matter.

We also read that Ohio considers itself the "Birthplace of a Nation". Now, I know that I only scored a 2 on my AP United States History exam in 1993 (and didn't qualify for college credit!) but I'm pretty sure that the real birth of our our nation took place in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Notice, however, that Ohio is claiming to be birthplace of "A" Nation, not birthplace of "The" nation. This is like bags of potato chips loudly and proudly proclaiming "0 Grams Transfat!" in healthy-looking green font on their packaging while the rest of the bag has 6,000 calories in it. I'm not sure which nation was born in Ohio, but I strongly suggest they change their state slogan.

Since we had a 12-hour drive home from New York, Andrea and I decided to come up with alternate slogans for several states to put on their license plates. While we came up with a few of them, I am also going to ask you to post your comments for alternate slogans for three other states - Arizona, Idaho, and South Carolina. Without further ado, here are the unfortunate states who happened to cross our minds on a long, long roadtrip when we had too much time on our hands:

Delaware: "What happens in Delaware.......probably isn't worth mentioning anyway."

Georgia: "Sure, the Devil came here. But he's gone now. We promise!"

Hawaii: "Yeah, you're jealous."

Kansas: "Whole hearted supporters of high fructose corn syrup."

Mississippi: "Would you like that deep fried, or deep-deep fried?"

Missouri: "It's no coincidence that our name sounds like 'Misery'". (The alternate-alternate for Missouri is "Proudly not exterminating Mormons since 1976").

New Hampshire: "Take that, Old Hampshire!"

New Mexico: "We are currently in a bidding war with California, Texas, and Arizona to see who gets our name since it fits them better. In 2010, say hello to Albuquerque, New Canada!"

Ohio: "Did we mention that we also invented the internet?"

Rhode Island: "What? We're not an actual island? Oh well, we've already filed form 16-B with the federal government to name our state. Hopefully nobody will notice...."

Washington: "Not the one with all the politicians, the one where guys have ponytails, use hemp, and go backpacking."

West Virginia: "If you enjoy toll roads, rusted out factories, coal mines, and mullets...welcome home!"

Wyoming: "Losing to BYU at football since 1943."

Okay readers, since most of you live out west or in NC, let's have a little fun and submit your new slogans for Arizona, Idaho, and South Carolina. Just remember that two states are already claiming to be the birthplace of aviation, so you might want to steer clear of that one.


jeff said...

how about

AZ - ...but it's a dry heat


AZ - gateway to illegal immigration

5:20 AM
Natalie said...

I am pretty sure Ohio claims to be the birthplace of avaition because the Wright brothers were born there. But still...get over it already and come up with your own unique thing about Ohio! So frustrating.

5:49 AM
Ang said...

Okay, here goes.

Arizona--Trying to make you believe that xeriscaping actually looks pretty since 1984.

Arizona--Careful. Don't walk on our pavement without shoes.

Arizona--Those polygamists are all Utah's fault. Seriously.

Idaho--Did we mention that sometimes famous people come here to ski?

Idaho--One of the coolest-shaped states West of the Mississippi.

Idaho--One word: Sweet.

South Carolina--The muggier, huggier Carolina.

That's all I got.

11:58 AM
Michael said...

Here's a bunch of them. There's got to be a winner in here somewhere...

Idaho - "Now known for potatoes AND exposing the flaws of the BCS!"

Idaho - "Winner of the state that looks most like a gun for the past 10 years, thanks to Florida's continual erosion under the rising water levels of global warming."

Idaho - "The least ethnically diverse state in the country since 1890."

Idaho - "Napoleon Dynamite - filmed on location in Preston, America's new Hollywood."

South Carolina - "Birthplace of game show letter-turning, cheating in baseball, genius political satire, and centenarian segregationist senators with illegitimate children."

(Just in case you're scratching your head...that would be Vanna White, Shoeless Joe Jackson, Stephen Colbert, and Strom Thurmond)

South Carolina - "Making the palmetto relevant again for over 200 years."

South Carolina - "Hey Georgia, our state fruit is the peach TOO! Hahahahahaha!"

South Carolina - "We invented humidity."

Arizona - "Home of football futility...If it weren't for our .500 season in 1994, our Cardinals would have 23 straight losing seasons! Oh yeah, and Arizona State sucks too..."

Arizona - "Did you know that cactus is edible?"

Arizona - "Rock yards for everyone!"

Arizona - "Come for the Grand Canyon, stay for...monsoon season?"

Arizona - "We've got Steve Nash!"

Arizona - "Because rebelling against Daylight Savings Time is cool."

6:53 AM
Shelley said...

I can't think of anything creative on this one, but I saw a shirt on "So You Think You Can Dance?" that would be appropriate for this game:

Idaho - "Idaho? No, Udaho!"

2:00 PM
andrea said...

I already used my best ones in helping Andrew with this post. My favorite is still, "Take that, Old Hampshire!"

But major props to Ang and Michael--you two are good at this!

6:43 PM
gamer in Sandy said...

Arizona - "We're your valentine"

Idaho - "We dig our spuds"
"Our canyon looks like hell"

S.C. -- "Go Gamecocks!"
"Get high on Sassafras"

Do I get any credit for there being some basis for each of these?

8:30 PM

• If you are standing on a corner in Winslow, Get out!!!
• Do you have Lincoln branded on your legs as well?(Think Summer heat, dark car, and a penny)
• Do rivers need water to be called a river?
• Not one natural lake in the whole state.
• At least you are not in Utah
• We beat the Yankees
• Gonzo for Governor
• Yes, you really can cook eggs on the sidewalk
• Home of the 2001 national water ski champion team. ASU

• Myrtle Beach is not the Tijuana of the southeast …. Yet
• This south can’t even win the battle of the Carolina’s
• Not one major sports team, Go Braves
• Did you know “The Patriot” was filmed here
• Home of that guy from the first season of the Apprentice
• What is the difference between Yogurt and Idaho girls? Yogurt has culture.
• Like basketball? Be an Idaho Spud Webb
• Don’t blame us, we voted for the Prophet
• Rednecks in the south, Tree huggers in the North, and Red headed step children in the middle
• No, our grass really isn’t blue and orange
• Idaho, no I da pimp
• Idaho, It really appeals to me

5:23 AM
sandy said...

I can't believe I missed this post...hilarious, as usual...and although we now live in Wyoming, we still cheer for BYU and then drive home in our clearly Wyoming vehicle (truck, WY license plates, dirty, etc. - although we do not have a mangy dog in the bed of our truck)-- this way we can cheer for the blue team, but easily escape all the beer bottles being thrown at the Y fans on the way out:)

12:43 PM
April Durham said...


I live in Idaho, so I've heard almost all of it.

Idaho - Don't like the weather? Wait about an hour....

Check out my blog too -

9:56 AM
Anonymous said...

Hey, WY did win one against BYU 98 or 99, can't remember. The only reason I remember that WY won, is that I was in UT for Thanksgiving with all my family, and my car got egged (I had WY plates). Being a BYU fan, I was not toooo pleased with this! So you UT BYU fans just remember some of us with rival state plates may be going for the same team.

7:11 PM