Dude, How Would It Be To Be That Dude?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

One of the blessings of being the father of a three-year-old little girl is being able to read classical literature to her. While we are not quite to Little Women or Pride and Prejudice yet, I think I have read every Disney book that mentions the word "princess" in it about a dozen times. One of these works of art is Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. In this book, the Evil Step Mother steals the magic wand and grants a wish to her daughter, the evil Anastasia, to switch places with Cinderella and be married to Prince Charming (I think his real-world name is Doyle Butz, which didn't test high enough on the "dreaminess" scale with test audiences so they settled on Charming). The switch-a-roo takes place one year after Cinderella and Doyle were married. After getting over the disturbing "I'm stealing my sister's husband" plot line, I asked myself, "If I had that magic wand, who would I switch places with?"

This is also the theme for this week's contest. Please submit the name of one person that you would want to switch places with for a day and why. I will get out my magic wand and grant the wish to the best entry. After careful consideration, here are some of my possibilities.

1. Bear Grylls - star of "Man vs. Wild" on Discovery Channel. I think every red-blooded male at one time or another has thought to himself, "I bet I could survive for a month in the jungle with nothing but a Rambo knife and a granola bar." Well, Bear actually goes out and does it. Since we do not have cable at home, I always hope that a Man vs. Wild marathon will be showing in my hotel room when I travel for work. On those evenings I'm usually up until 2:16 a.m. and then fall asleep with my glasses on, remote in hand, and cannot concentrate on the next day's meetings. Oh well, it's worth it. If I ever fall in quicksand, get attacked by a python, or fall through the ice and have to avoid blood-thirsty killer whales, I will be prepared to survive thanks to my good friend Bear.

2. Mario Williams - Defensive End, Houston Texans. He was the first overall pick in last year's NFL draft. He signed a 6-year, $54 million contract as a 21 year-old rookie. Mario is not only athletic and wealthy, but he is not held to the highest behavioral standards either. I read this today on ESPN.com and couldn't help but laugh at the following passage about Mario's "maturity" after a tough rookie season, "If you don't count his unscheduled appearance in a YouTube video driving his burnt-orange Lamborghini at 150 mph on a highway in North Carolina, it's been a pretty solid offseason for Williams.'He's matured a lot as a person,' second-year coach Gary Kubiak said. 'There's no doubt about that'". Hold on a second here. Have any of you ever even considered doing anything that reckless in your life? Probably not. Oh to be young, athletic, rich, and be considered to be on your best behavior for only driving your Lamborghini at 150 MPH.

3. Any NBA Player Not Named Jason Williams. There were three Jason Williams in the NBA at the same time. One of them accidentally shot and killed his chauffeur with a shot gun and then tried to cover up the crime. The other was a 1st round draft pick who nearly killed himself on a bullet bike before playing in his first NBA game. His leg was mangled so badly that they did not know if he would ever walk again. The final Jason Williams was kicked out of U. of Florida for drug offenses, drafted in the first round, and then suspended later by the NBA for failure to comply with its drug program. It was so confusing a couple of years ago to talk about Jason Williams and then have to clarify with, "No, I'm talking about the white guy with the drug problem, not the one in traction or the one convicted of negligent homicide."

4. Javier Sotomayor. He is the world record holder in the high jump with a leap of 8 feet 1/2 inches. I cleared 6'7" in high school and can only imagine what 8 feet must feel like.

Okay, there is my list. Please send me who you would like to trade places with and I will pick a winner.

17 comments

Joe said...

Sorry, Bear is a complete fraud..

Watch this clip..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UpSlpvb1is

Want more?
http://www.daughtersoftiresias.org/bearwiki/Evidence

3:10 PM
Paul said...
This comment has been removed by the author. 5:39 PM
Paul said...

Dang, someone beat me to ripping on your boy Bear!! Those youtube videos were hilarious. You need to start watching survivorman instead.

5:53 PM
mike vick said...

Right now, i would love to be just about anyone else.

9:42 AM
Shannon said...

I would either like to be Jason Bourne or Bruce Wayne. Jason Bourne would be fun to be just because he's such a crazy super-spy! He doesn't even know why, he just has it all in his head. I'd like to be that way where I just wake up one morning and start evading evil and killing people and not have any idea why I know how to do this stuff but I can just do it. He's awesome! On the other hand, Bruce Wayne would be fun to be on many levels. He gets to have a split personality, which is fun. Irresponsible, party and money driven, waste of space by day - ninja superhero by night! Fantastic! And he's not just any super-hero. He didn't get some crazy power by, say, being electrocuted, exposed to nuclear waste, coming from Jupiter, NO! He's a superhero because he MADE himself a superhero. He's just like you and me, only he decided that during his free time he'd turn himself into a ninja fighter. Crazy. When I watch Batman, I don't see some fictional fairytale of good vs. evil, I see a blueprint to my future life! So that's it. Those are my two.

9:58 AM
btrainlegoboy said...

I would want to switch places with Whitney because I'm always exhausted after school. Then she could learn more, plus I could build with Legos, play with video games, play with her stuff

Dad, I tagged you on my blog, too.

12:16 PM
Ang said...

First I thought I was going to say that I want to be Stephenie Meyer, the super-popular LDS author of Twilight who is now making a sweet load of moolah off of the third installment of her series. But then I decided that would seem kind of pathetic and money grubbing of me. So now I have a new person I would switch places with for a short while, and his name is Dennis Andrew Sweat. Here's why:

1. Super cool eyebrows.
2. Experiencing that inner sense of security that comes from childhood sports success and subsequent fatherly approval.
3. Hanging out with Andi on her highly creative date nights.
4. Enjoying the sensation of being freakishly tall.
5. Feeling--and learning to fight against--an unquenchable thirst for Madden.
6. Developing the capacity to listen to President Bush without wanting to throw something at the television.
7. Firing people! The power!

Love ya, Drew :-)

8:54 PM
andrea said...

I'm glad you said that we just had to trade places for a day...that makes it easier. Here's what I came up with:

When we were on our cruise, and went out to feed the stingrays, there was a woman on the boat. She was talkative, bilingual, and fun and she had such a DREAM JOB. She got to hang out off the coast of Grand Cayman and take pictures of people feeding stingrays with her waterproof digital camera. How cool is that? Living on a tropical island, hanging out in the ocean all day, and taking pictures for a living. I could handle that for a day...or maybe even a little longer.

4:54 AM

I would be the guy who tests all the events for the Amazing Race. How cool would that be, you get to go all over the world and get to skydive, rock climb, Zorbing (roll down a hill inside an inflated ball), zipline, and about a billion other things. Who would need a vacation from that.

Greg

PS Props to whoever is Mike Vick, You deserve to win

8:54 AM
Doyle Butz said...

I just want to stay me. I've got a huge castle, a trusty steed, a wardrobe full of satin tights, and the entire kingdom at my beck and call. I am protected by not only a moat but an entire army. There are seventeen feasts and balls held in my honor every year. I have impeccably coiffed hair, pectorals that make my shirt not even look puffy, and a set of gluteus that sends all the wenches swooning. In short, I make Brad Pitt look like Shrek. All this, and in a delightful recent twist, I now have women going to extreme magical measures to be with me.

Not only that, but in the most recent inter-kingdom poll, my name is skewing more and more toward "not quite so repulsive," while Snorklepuss Humperdink continues his downward spiral.

In the meantime, you can just keep calling me Charming, baby. How could you want to be anyone else?!?

11:13 AM
jeff said...

ang is trying to schmooze her way in to two wins in a row.

nice job ang

11:31 AM
Natalie said...

Ok. I have thought long and hard about this one. I would love to be my sister for the day. My sister, Michelle Dorrance, is the best tap dancer in the world! And of course I am not biased. Here are reasons why I would love to trade places with her:

1)She lives in NYC which I always thought would be fun to live there for a year or two because there is so much to do and see and you don't have to drive!

2)She travels all over the world to dance. She goes to Russia, Finland, and Brazil yearly for tap festivals. And has most recently been out to Israel! How cool would it be to visit all those places?

3) When she performs...she brings the house down. She is amazing and I watch her in awe! Her feet are so fast and I would love to be up there beeming just like her, letting my talents shine. Plus performing is fun in itself. She has performed at some amazing places too like the Apollo Theater, The Cannes Film Festival, The Winter Olympics, and the Jerry Lewis Telathon.

4) She meets all kinds of cool people in her profession- Savion Glover, Doolay Hill, Jason Samuels Smith, Greggory Hines, Elizabeth Berkley, Steven Speilberg, the list goes on and on! (Ok I probably spelled a bunch of those wrong, sorry!).

5) And probably the best reason for trading places with my sister is the fact that she wakes up every day and gets to do what she loves! She gets paid to dance (well most of the time)! She can do something that she is truly passionate about and I envy that so much!

1:37 PM
a fan in Sandy said...

If btrain doesn't win this contest, there is no justice in this world.

2:46 PM
Paul & Daneen said...

I'd want to switch places with the President of the United States just to see how it feels to be the leader of the free world......and to pick up that red phone and tell someone (whoever is on the other end) to nuke somebody (whoever i was mad at, at the time)!!!!! That would be pretty cool..... :)

-paul

5:55 PM
whitney said...

Tinkerbell. Because I could fly in the sky.

1:36 PM
Kel said...

I'm with Whitney Tinkerbell really has the life, she can fly anywhere, has great legs and with all that fair dust she is always glammed up for a night on the town.

5:10 PM
sandy said...

Jake said he would trade places with Bronco Mendenhall on the day BYU plays Eastern Washington. No matter how bad he messed up coaching, he could still win that game...and have the chance to coach a Division I game (as opposed to the exactly 6 players he has this year to play 6-man football). Plus he doesn't have a game here that day, so his schedule is wide open.

And I guess if he's gonna be Bronco, I'll be Bronco's wife...that means I get free tickets and a FAT pay check -- which by my calculations -- if I got to be her on payday...I could do some major damage outfitting our new house!

7:25 PM