Coming Soon: The Ultimate Baby Name Smackdown Championships

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Great comments everybody on the Baby Naming Manifesto. I have incorporated some of your feedback and Version 1.1 is now available below. Here is a quick summary of the changes:

New Rules:
-"Here Comes Pat!" test
-"Back Porch Shout" test
-"I Got An F In Geography" test
-"La-Utah" test

Updated/Revised Rules:
-The "High School Nerd" test was renamed the "Ghosts From The Past" test and now includes the names of former boyfriends and girlfriends.
-The "Wayne-Ray-Lee" test was revised to exclude girls who have this name since they are far less likely to become future felons.
-The "Difficult To Spell" test was renamed the "Queen Lili'uokalni" test because I wanted to show a name that is difficult to both pronounce and spell. (Well, unless your parents shipped you off to Hawaii when you were 14 years old to pick pineapples all summer instead of staying home and ending up in Juvie.)

I was talking with the NMW (Normal Mormon Wife) about what the next step in the Baby Naming Manifesto should be. We came up with an idea that I am absolutely giddy to roll out - a baby name points system! Therefore, I am currently developing a points system for each of the rules so that you will be able to give an overall score to each of the names you are either considering or have already slapped on your kids.

Once the points system is finalized, I am going to ask everybody to attempt to create the perfect Mormon baby name using the rules in the Manifesto and the points system. Check back soon. Should be lots of fun. I am hoping that we can have some sort of March Madness bracket and pit Mormon baby names head-to-head and end up with the ultimate champion. (In my best Dick Vitale voice) "These diaper dandies are going to be awesome with a capital 'A' baby!!!!!"


Anonymous said...

geez, this is worse than the tripe written by the chicks...

8:21 PM
Marta said...

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, I hope you don't think I'm a blog stalker. Anyway, you mentioned in a previous post that you are related to Joel Hills Johnson. I am also related to Joel through his son Nephi Johnson. You also mentioned something about a patent. In October of 2006 my mother donated that family patent to the church archives. She was curious to know how you found out about it. As a side note, there is also a series of books written in novel form (does that make sense?) about Joel, Nephi and their family's stories. It's called "A Banner Is Unfurled", and it really is a great read and so interesting because is full of information. If you haven't, I would recommend it. Okay, this is getting really long, but thanks again for the comment, and keep up the funny writing!!!

9:30 PM
Natalie said...

Quoting Dick Vitale is a sin that cannot be forgiven!

5:28 AM
andrea said...

Let the baby-naming competition begin. Bring it on!

5:57 AM
The Motherboard said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! Anything to get this little bambino a name will be greatly appreciated at this point! "Can't wait to see what the 'perfect Utah Mormon Name' will be!!" (said in my best Harry Cary voice! cause, really, we all know Harry Carey kicks butt!)

Your blog is hilarious, and I am now an official stalker! :>

1:00 PM
Anonymous said...


This is T-Boar, your admiring little bro. I have to add one other thought on the baby naming manifesto (hope its not too late), which I call the "Bart Simpson" rule. Remember when Bart would prank call Moe's and the combination of first and last names would be the joke? i.e. Bart asks for mrs. Hugenkiss, Amanda Hugenkiss, and Moe calls outloud "I need Amanda Hugenkiss!" You have to take into account the last name along with the first. Having the last name "Sweat" has caused much sensitivity to the issue (contemplated naming my boy "Noah" for two seconds...would have been a bad move). "Anita" is a fine last name, unless her last name is "Call" (I truly worked with an Anita Call, ironically enough at a telephone company). Forrest is a great name (right on bro), unless your last name is Wood. You get the point. Also, no rhyming last names (these are my twins, Annette and Janette Sweat). Stop rhyming, I mean it! (Anybody wanna peanut?)If you can work that into the point rating system, the last name is all important as well. Paz en la casa,


4:06 PM
Anonymous said...

I agree with you on the Alison thing... but I have seen worse. My cousin named her child, Tayzley (pronounced Paisley with a T) she is really adorable....but come on... and she did grow up close to Toelle. For fear that she might see this comment... I will remain anon.

4:33 PM
A Good Husband said...

Wow. Seriously. Great stuff. I'm endlessly amused. I haven't looked at the Mormon blog community much lately, but I'll be back. Consider me a fan.

I don't know if I can come up with the perfect Mormon name...but my wife and I joke about "Cornelius Fulton Brigham Wayne Huff III" all the time - it's probably much funnier in the context of knowing my family's names...

6:46 PM
Melinda said...

Just have to tell you about the worst creative spelling I've ever seen. It was an "about the author" blurb that mentioned his wife. His wife's name is CherRon.

Look at it long enough, you'll figure out what her parents intended. Mean parents.

9:08 PM
Crolace said...

Even if you make an exception to the Wayne-Ray-Lee test for girls, wouldn't those still fail the 'Here Comes Pat' test?

PS, This is a great blog. I found it when someone linked to it from Eric Snider's blog.

10:35 PM
Jen said...

I don't remember how I got here, but I loved these posts about naming. Our next son, who will arrive in a few weeks, will be Henry.

And you missed an "a" in Lili'uokalani. (I served in the HI-Hon mission.)

9:34 AM
Jami said...

Promises, promises. Here I have crafted the perfect break-all-the-rules name and where is the place to display it in all of its gorey?

10:36 AM