I think I know what the Florida elections board must have felt like during the 2000 presidential election. For the past 45 minutes I have been typing every one of the 102 fast food nominations into an Excel spreadsheet, developing a scoring system, and then sorting and scoring the data. The results have been interesting. And delicious. And really, really unhealthy.
Please vote for your overall favorite fast food item and favorite restaurant using the polls on the right-hand side of the blog. The last day to vote is 5/17. The eight most popular menu items from the comments that came in are:
Whopper Jr. (BK)
Western Bacon Cheeseburger (Carl’s Jr.)
Chicken Sandwich (Chick-Fil-A)
Big Mac (McDonald's)
Sausage Egg McMuffin (McDonald's)
Bean Burrito (Taco Bell)
Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger (Wendy's)
While we await the poll results and crown the winner, there are three other fast-food related issues that I felt needed to be addressed:
First, what the heck is “Animal Style” from In-N-Out? I am envisioning something that involves a blender, salsa and a Muppet, but I’m probably a little off base. There were a few comments that reassured me that I am not the only person on the plant asking this question. (I never would have broached the subject on my own after how much fun so many of you had at my expense when I admitted that I did not know what ROTFLOL stood for.) So can some of you too-cool-for-school Californians enlighten the rest of us hillbillies? With all of the California state taxes, smog, traffic, cost of living, and being home to the Clippers, I am pretty sure after reading your comments that many of you only continue to live there because of In-N-Out. I think I have only been to In-N-Out once in my life, and it had to have been more than ten years ago. Next time I head to Pasadena I promise to go there and get something “Animal Style”, unless it really does involve the blender, salsa and a Muppet.
With regards to beverages, a few of you mentioned that you would wash down your favorite menu items with a cup of water. An anonymous commenter even mentioned starting a fast food joint and having water as the only beverage available. If the rest of you are like me, I almost exclusively just drink water when I get fast food. This is especially true when I am on an “El Cheapo” run (yes, that’s what happens to your Spanish when you’ve been home from your mission for 12 years) trying to get a meal for less than $2.50. How can you justify spending $1.19 for a Sprite when your menu items are all on the $1 menu? Even if I were willing to splurge on a soda, I would still stick with water when ordering a Taco Bell Bean burrito. There is just something magical about the Bean Burrito and water combination. You cannot top it. Unless the water is “Animal Style”, of course.
The third point has to do with my anger toward Subway, which is currently hotter than a toasted Spicy Italian sub. Subway is running a promotion that clearly promises, "Any regular foot-long sandwich for $5". When I saw the first commercial advertising the “Any Foot Long for $5”, I was thrilled because I could get something with steak in it for the price of a cold cut. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I actually went to Subway and learned that by “any regular foot-long”, what they really mean is any Cold Cut, Ham, Tuna, Vegetarian, and sandwiches made from horse meat and compressed wood chips. Subway should be ashamed for being so willfully deceitful with this campaign. It is obviously a bait-and-switch designed to increase customer visits by making us believe that we can get a premium sandwich (e.g. philly cheese steak, steak and cheese, chicken & bacon ranch, etc.) for only $5. You would expect an underhanded move like this from Quick Eddie’s Used Cars and Bail Bonds, but not from my beloved Subway. Am I the only person who was fooled by this ploy, or were any of you suckered as well? I am still so mad about this that if I ever see Jared from Subway walking down the street, I am totally going “Animal Style” on him (after all, I'm pretty sure that I can take him now that he has withered away to about 87 pounds and no longer has any muscle mass in his body. Yep, I'm a real tough guy.)
Thanks for all of the comments and good luck voting. May the best item win.
All of this typing is making me hungry. I wonder how long it would take me to get to Taco Bell...
***MY COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS***
-jolene, jana, and makakona: Come on guys, let's get the story straight on what Animal Style really is. After reading all of the conflicting descriptions, I am starting to believe that "Animal Style" is the equivalent to something called "Magic Spaghetti" in our home. One night our kids were not thrilled about eating the spaghetti that I had made for dinner, so I asked them to come into the kitchen and put a magic spell on it. We all stood over the pot, waved our fingers, and simultaneously chanted, "magic spaghetti, magic spaghetti, MAGIC SPAGHETTI!" (The ritual stopped there. It did not involve goat's blood, candles, levitating pasta, or anything creepy like that.) Three years later and the kids still make sure the spaghetti is "magic" before we eat it. Both of the kids think the magic spell makes the spaghetti taste better, even though it doesn't really have any influence on the taste. I am now beginning to believe that Animal Style has the same effect. There really is no such thing. You are just eating a plan cheeseburger, but your brain is just tricking you into thinking your bland burger is smothered with grilled onions, fried mustard, enchanted pickles, mystical tomatoes, and supernatural thousand island dressing.
-Travis, Andymann, and Mama Cow: Thank you for sharing your anger toward Subway's promotion and for letting me know about the new Quizno's $5 deal. I decided to go online to do some additional research about both promotions, and now I am even more upset with Subway! Not only are they lying about the $5 promotion, they are completely demeaning Pres. Abraham Lincoln in their online ad campaign. It is horrible. Look at the tasteless way they have shamed one of our most beloved Presidents in their callous effort to hawk more subs:
What's worse, when you go to SubwayFreshBuzz.com, the insulting caricature of Pres. Lincoln starts talking like a ghetto slob and tells you that you can, "text a holla to your crew", about the $5 campaign. At least Quizno's explicitly states that their $5 subs only include four sandwiches, with the premium subs costing $7 and $9. The next time I'm craving a sub, I am avoiding Subway simply out of spite. Hmmm...maybe a good blog post could stem from me calling Subway's corporate headquarters with my complaints and see how they respond. We'll see.