When I started writing this blog two years ago I figured that my family and close friends might be mildly interested in it, but nobody else. So I chugged along for a year and a half and would get excited on the rare instances of "heavy traffic" when my SiteMeter statistics recorded double digit visitors in one day. Because blogging gave me a fun, creative outlet, I was perfectly content with a readership that consisted of about twenty family, friends and ward members. Then I wrote the Twilight post followed by the Edward spoof that were circulated around the net after Angela Hallstrom placed a link from her blog at Segullah.org to mine.
Since many of you who are reading my blog today are doing so because of my quirky take on the Twilight books, I figured I would give my peeps what they want:
A BREAKING DAWN PRE-REALEASE PARTY, NMH STYLE!
Many of you die-hard Twilight fans are anxiously counting down the milliseconds until Breaking Dawn is released at 12:01 a.m. on August 2nd so that you can rush to your nearest Barnes & Noble and buy it as quickly as possible. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if several of you are planning to buy the book at midnight and then stay up reading it cover-to-cover before your kids wake up at 6:55 a.m. Admit it! You're out there, I know it. (Side note: Can you imagine how insane Barnes & Noble will be in some parts of the country [read: Utah] when Breaking Dawn is released? Don't be surprised if it resembles the bi-annual Filene's Basement Running of the Brides wedding dress stampede. My conservative estimate is that 143 B&N Associates will be killed and another 815 injured.)
To help tide many of you over until August 2nd, I have decided to dedicate my next several posts to writing my own version of Breaking Dawn. That's right! For the past few days I have been channeling my inner Stephenie Meyer and think I have a pretty good guess about how the book will turn out. Well, assuming that the real Breaking Dawn includes references to the McCain/Obama race, American Idol, Teen Wolf, and Homer Simpson, because my version sure does.
The first several chapters of my version of Breaking Dawn will be posted on Monday 7/28 with additional chapters posted throughout the week. Just to clarify, I am only going to be writing some chapter overviews, not an actual 600-page book. Spread the word. It should be good times.
I also thought it would be fun to let you vote on a bizarre character for me to weave into my spoof story, so please vote for one using the poll in the right-hand column. The character with the most votes by the end of the week will appear in my posts.
Lastly, if you know any Barnes & Noble employees, you may want to advise them to increase their short-term disability and their life insurance policies before 8/2. It's going to be a blood bath.