At this very moment there are millions of people around the world striving to achieve the impossible. Some are trying to cure cancer. Others are taking their first steps toward the summit of Everest. Me? I’m taking all of your grammar pet peeves and endeavoring to write the most grammatically incorrect blog post in the history of the internet! Hooray for dreaming big! (Disclaimer: the the events in the post are completely ficticious and do not represent any experiences the NMW and I have had).Forget everything you learned in English class, cast Webster’s to the side, hold your breath just long enough to kill a few brain cells, and enjoy the most grammatically incorrect blog post ever!
July 5th, 2008:
Me and my wife were odviously late fer our first appointment with our realitor. We was late because we ran out of melk and couldn’t make our Mot-o-Meal breakfast without it. Im not drinking lots of melk right now because it supposably has a lot of harmones in it, so I had toast and got ready on time. But my wife can loose her temper and have wild moose wings, expecially when she does’nt eat breakfast. I drather be late then have my wife loose her temper with the realitor, so she essensually ate a Dennys’ breakfast slam that took ferever! I drove faster than an ambilance driver to get to our appointment, but we was verily late anyways.
Our realitors’ name is Jenny. I was nauseous that we was late because Jenny had broughten us a throw pellow as a gift. She said my wife and me could put it in our new house after it gets boughten. I saw that Jennys’ car had an Illinoise license plate, so I axed her how come it was on their? You see, my wife and me was born in Chicago, so I wondered if Jenny was from their to. Jenny said she was driving her sister in laws’ car because it was better then hers. Jenny never forreals said where she was from. It should have been a mute point, but it really effected me for some weird reason’s. Irregardless, I was suspicious of Jenny now.
Jenny only wanted to show us really expensive house’s. There was one by the mounin’ and another by Barnes and Nobles that were $300,000! Did Jenny think I was an ATM machine? I think she was trying to melk us for a lot of money (e.g. a lot of commission’s) by showing us the home’s over their. I liked Jenny at first, but I was now thinking that she was trying to pray on us like a woof in sheeps’ clothing. Sometimes the necked truth is hard to swallow.
I looked at my wife and told Jenny that her and me don’t really care about keeping up with the Jone’s and just need an affordable house. So Jenny took us to one that we could afford but it was next to a nucular plant, and that made me and my wife kinda nervous. Anyways, we did not find any good house’s that day. When we was done, I was beaten! Finding a new house is not a walk in the cake.
That night my wife and me read our Book or Mormons and we was reminded about how people’s lives can be ruined by being greedy. I then read an Ensin article about the same subject. It made me think of my patriarticle blessing that says I need to be wise with the money’s that I will earn. I told my wife, “Congradulations!” fer not buying a house that was to expensive. Anyways, her and me don’t need one of the biggest house’s to be happy. We will be happy irregardless!
(Side note: I am truly sorry for making you read this because it will make you speak like a hillbilly for the next two days. I have saying "me and her" instead of "she and I" and using words like "gotten" for the last several hours since writing this post. My bad.)