If you cannot read the warning, it says, "DO NOT poke or jab with Light saber. Section are made to stick together in the extended position and will not easily collapse if jabbed into an object, individual, or animal." What? Are you kidding me? Did the maker of this light saber actually ever watch the Star Wars movies? I'm pretty sure Luke Skywaker's original name was "Jabbie McGee" and Darth was "Poke Vader" given the amount of jabbing/poking they did with their light sabers. If you don't believe me, just ask Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul, or the Taun-taun that became Han Solo's impromptu tent as he froze to death on Hoth. Telling kids not to poke or jab at people with a toy light saber is like telling Ben Affleck to stop making bad movies - it just ain't gonna happen.
As a family that strictly adheres to all product liability warnings, my son and I will have to put an end to our epic light saber battles. Instead of using them to pummel the crud out of each other, we have developed a few alternative uses for them:
A silver, trendy door stop
A spare antenna bunny ear:
A shower loofah extender for those pesky hard-to-reach places (Yes, I use a loofah. No, I'm not a she-male):
A dual exhaust pipe to make your car look cool:
As the body of a "passenger" to allow you to drive the in the carpool lane:Since my son and I will no longer be able to settle our Star Wars disputes by dueling to the death with light sabers, we will have to instead debate our differences on the floor of the Galactic Senate. My son has just introduced legislation to increase his payment for his chores and extend his bed time. I had better go get my rebuttal ready. It's going to be a long, exciting night of settling things Star Wars style - by a good, old-fashioned political debate!
Anyway, do any of you have some other suggestions about what we can do with our light sabers now that our fighting days are over? If you're feeling really creative and happen to have a light saber at home, you can email me your photos and I'll post a couple of them. Please email them to nmhusband [at] hotmail [dot] com.
But as you sit down to type the email, please read the warning that goes along with your keyboard. It probably says something to the effect that you can permanently damage your fingers by typing on it. And be careful with the chair you're sitting in - it can cause back problems. The monitor you're looking at? Gamma ray poisoning.
In fact, it may be safer for you to just go to bed right now. Just be sure to read the warning on the mattress before you do.
***MY COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS***
-Andymann: You mentioned that your rugrats have Legos StarWars I & II and you just got them Lego Indiana Jones as well. We are living very similar lives. My son got Lego Indiana Jones for his birthday in July and plays it everyday. He only gets a very limited amount of TV/internet/video game time every day, but he's been spending most of it on Indy. One of his other new obsessions is Webkinz, which allowed him to buy a little stuffed animal and then register it online. He can play with his "virtual stuffed animal" (which is a lot more fun that the real thing, by the way), play games, and earn points to buy stuff for his virtual pet. Are there any other Webkinz fans out there?
-Col. Smeag: Great idea of filling the light saber up with Gatorade and then freezing it to make a ginormous Popsicle. I'm assuming the shaft is extended when you fill it up, thus ending creating a three-foot-long treat/weapon. It could easily be the most delicious and dangerous candy since the long Jolly Rancher bars that you could suck down into a razor-sharp point and then repeatedly slice your tongue open with it. Ahhh, memories. Just imagine the lame one-liners you could use on somebody after hitting them upside the head with a huge frozen light saber Popsicle. (In my best Schwarzenegger voice): "You've beeeeeeen cold cocked!", "Now dats vut I call brain freeze!", "I just popped your sicle!" or "So much fer global vooorming!" Oh, wait, I think Arnold said all of those cheesy lines when he played Mr. Freeze in Batman.