The Twilight Rap Video

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Question: What kind of music do you get when you mix the Mormony goodness of the Jets, Weird Al's nerdy humor, Vanilla Ice's street cred and a 21-year-old Casio synthesizer?

Answer: The NMH's Twilight Gangsta Ballad.

The idea of composing a Weird Al-ish Twilight rap has been uncontrollably festering in my head ever since I wrote the Part III of the Breaking Dawn spoof and included some old-school gangsta rap lyrics for our bling-blingin' Jacob. As with most of the cockamamie ideas that I can't get out of my head, I decided to indulge the thought and write a Twilight rap song. The majority lyrics came to me over the span of a couple of hours while sitting through a long, long, long, long conference call at work. The lyrics were the easy part. I had to put a little more effort into finding pictures to match the lyrics and then Photoshopping them in order to get a cheap laugh out of people. I've got a few favorite parts that I've listed in the poll on the right, so please vote for your favorite part of the video after you watch it.

Go get yourself iced. Put in your grill. Bust a cap or two. Then sit down and enjoy the Twilight Gangsta Ballad:


Like the site? Please show your support for NMH by visiting my Google Ads (on the right) and Husband Hero. Thanks for the support!

Updated: 9/1/2008

Just to clarify, I enjoyed reading the entire Twilight series although I did not like the end to Breaking Dawn. I don't want to give the impression that I'm just callously bashing the whole series because I would have preferred a dramatic fight scene at the end. Would I do it all over again knowing that I would be relatively disappointed with the conclusion? Absolutely. Would I ever learn to tolerate the name Renesmee? Never.

Just in case any of you care, here are my favorite screen shots in order:
1) Oprah holding the "Bacon We Can Believe In!"
2) The Bambi photo labeling Owl as "Tastes Good", Bambi as "Delicious", Flower as "Gross", and Thumper as "Appetizer".
3) Edward the Otter Pop.
4) Sarah, Plain Dorky.
5) Hillary's eye daggers being shot at Barak Obama.

Anonymous (The mean one, not the other ones) - Ouch! As far as me being too old to rap is concerned, I'm nine years younger than Dr. Dre, three years younger than Snoop Dogg, and two years younger than Eminem. Nobody seems to be forcing any of them into Whispering Pines Senior Living Center just yet. I've been writing and recording cheesy raps lyrics like this since I was an 8-year-old singer/writer for my first band, "The Def Dogs". The cheesy, nerdy, white guy raps continued through high school (The Fatheads) and college (Justus), so it's just part of who I am. I like MST3K. I get a kick out of songs like Weird Al's "White and Nerdy". These are the types of things I find funny. It's just how my brain works.

Like the site? Please show your support for NMH by visiting my Google Ads (on the right) and Husband Hero. Thanks for the support!


Asenath said...

wonderful! and please tell me that's really a picture of you at the end... :)

8:45 AM
wonder woman said...

hilarious. I loved it. My favorite was the no crying in baseball 'cuz Bella cried about the hole in her heart. And that it was like C-Span at the end instead of a real rumble. It's just 'cuz she's gonna write about Renesmee (WORST NAME EVER) and Jacob and didn't want to eliminate the competition just yet. (I'm only assuming. Hope no one starts a rumor from that.)

You rap skills are pretty fly for a mormon guy.

8:56 AM
Sonya said...

You rock! I'm so glad that others thought the Breaking Dawn ending was dissappointing too. Love the rap it so needed a rumble!

9:13 AM
megs said...

Okay I love your blog, but seriously, Breaking Dawn was awesome and as a fan of the books I couldn't have been more satisfied with the ending. I wish that people would stop bashing it just because their wasn't a huge fight at the end, and the plot got a little more creative than you had imagined. However, I do agree that yes, Renesmee is a weird name.

10:00 AM
Earl and Vickie said...

Now THAT was funny.

11:47 AM
Anonymous said...

My favorite parts were the "crying for 20 chapters about a hole in her heart" and "worst name ever". This rap cracks me up!
-Emma in NC

12:27 PM
Amy said...

Absolutely hysterical!! Thanks!!

12:37 PM

I LOVE IT! You have such a creative mind!

12:49 PM
Brenda said...

I am so scared...

2:33 PM

That was hilarious! Even though I loved the series, and thought the ending was just fine I am not above a good laugh. I agree that, "Your rap skills are pretty fly, for a mormon guy". LOL!

And Renesmee; definitely the WORST name ever!

2:54 PM
Sara said...

ROFLOL! Loved it! xD I love Breaking Dawn to bits and pieces, but I must agree- I also wanted a fight seen...):

6:51 PM
Anonymous said...

Pretty good rap, I guess... for a white guy. LOL.
I liked it, very funny! Just not cool that you are dogging the ending. I think the book ended that way, so Jacob and Renesmee can someday finish the Volturi. SM said she would never write another book from Bella's POV. But, I think she will write it from either Jacob's or Nessie's. I think it will be the next generation's job to battle the Volturi or I can hope and Hope is what I will do!!!!
Keep on Rapping!

6:59 PM
Anonymous said...

Get a life dude! You are too old for this crap! Like this stupid book and stupid Stephenie Meyer even deserve your time and energy to make a rap video.

Of course, I know why you're doing it. For fame and hits on your site. You are taking advantage of the book and the dumb fans of the book and they don't even know it.
You probably don't like Stephenie Meyer, or the books, or the Twilight fans. You are just jumping on this brain dead band wagon trying to get fame and cash from these idiots, just like the Twilight Guy jerk.

7:03 PM
Anonymous said...

Dang. The person before me needs to chill out.
I LOVED your rap and am sending it to all my friends.

7:46 PM
Anonymous said...

That was AWESOME!

8:16 PM
Michelle said...

muwhahahahaa - too funny..

8:25 PM
someone said...

I'm a law and order, CSI type fan and there's no real fight scenes...just mind games and talking....that may be a lame comparison to why I thought the ending of Breaking Dawn was so good, but that is the best I've come up with that the ending really wasn't so bad. It really only matters that STEPHENIE was satisfied with the ending of her story.

8:34 PM
The Wiz said...

That was pretty sweet. But I do believe your wife likes the name Renesmee, so you might want to watch out on dissing that one.

8:35 PM
Aidan's Mama said...

That was the funniest thing I've seen in a while. I giggled the whole time.

8:57 PM
Sandy said...

OH. MY. GOSH. I am totally dying here...HILARIOUS!

8:57 PM
Raveka said...

You know, I do like the name Renesmee xD Then again, I'm weird. I loved that rap, hilarious!

As to the poster who said you're too old for this...You're not. It doesn't matter what your physical age is at all o.O That dude has a problem, considering he couldn't even post his own real name xD

8:59 PM
Mariella said...

As much as I enjoyed BD, I think you're right.

Three books of action end in court room drama?


9:04 PM
Roxie said...
Roxie said...
This comment has been removed by the author. 9:05 PM
sharon said...

omg! now THAT was funny! though i enjoyed ALL of the books that was still hilarious!

"props to the 1987 casio pt-100 for the killa beat" buahahahaa!

9:10 PM
Anonymous said...

Hahaaa! Nice rap! I actually liked the ending of BD. Sure, a fight wouldve been exciting and expected after 2000 pages of books leading up to it, but I liked how it had a happy ending (:

You should make some more videos ;]

9:11 PM gosh. that was the funniest thing i've ever seen since the spoof! amazing!!!!

9:21 PM
go boo boo said...

You are totally obsessed and I laughed so hard. My favorite part was that you rhymed Renesme in there and noted it's worst name ever. Very fun.

9:44 PM
Muggle Mom said...

i'm crying from laughing so freakin' hard!!!!!! awesome job!!!!!!!

10:14 PM
Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! Great video! Although the ending was perfect for me and Renesmee is a weird name, but it grows on you after a while. Best ending ever!

11:02 PM
Anonymous said...

oh my dog. that was the funniest thing ever---- you so totally ROCK dude!

6:53 AM
Anonymous said...

omg that was hilarious! and i love the picture of renesmee (worst name ever agreed) ha that was too funny! :)

7:33 AM
The Motherboard said...

I started laughing when I pulled you up in my Google reader... the kids all came running to see why I was cracking up so hard!

My favorite line? Baddest werewolf evah! since Michael J. Fox!

Bwah-ha ha ha ha ha!

Made my day! I will be bopping all day to the synchronized beat of the Casio!

9:02 AM
Shannon said...

That was funny! But seriously I loved the BD ending. If there was a fight, stephenie meyer said that some of the good guys would die, including some of the Cullens, and if that happened, even more people would've been disappointed with the ending. I thought it was very good, and i liked that the war was a mind war. And i like renesmee's name.

But, I still LOVED your video! :D

11:18 AM

One word:
Genius :D

2:52 PM
Anonymous said...

Wow hilarious won't begin to cover how funny this rap was, I totally agree with you Reneesme worst name ever, and the bit about Dateline to catch a predator priceless. I too wanted a huge fight but oh well.

5:26 PM
Anonymous said...

WTF IS AN OTTER POP? seriously i have no idea. but that was pretty funny. i liked the brazillian bed part that was funny

5:58 PM
Anonymous said...

funny. i thought the part about jacob with the 'hes not really a werewolf, just a shapeshifter who takes the form of a wolf." u guys got THAT down pat i thought i was the only one who thought that part was f***ed up.

good job! hilario

6:04 PM
heather said...

Pretty funny there, NMH. :) I'm going to have to link you from my blog for all of my Utah friends that are crazed fans of the series. Good to see that you are still keeping it old skool with Weird Al. You and E with your Weird Al, I never got that.

6:10 PM
Sammie said...

So hilarous! Love all that bit about Chris Hansen and Dateline. Gosh, that was great!

6:38 PM
Lauren said...

That.was.FANTASTIC! thing I have seen in a long time :)

6:39 PM
normal mormon wife said...

Thank you for the many, many laughs we've gotten out of this video. Even if you didn't like the ending, you still liked the series, right?

Also gotta thank the wiz for sticking up for me. Unfortunately, NMH hates all the "creative" names that I come up with for our kids and won't let me use them.

8:09 PM
Anonymous said...

My BFF ran into Flava Flave at a restaruant just 3 miles from my house just last week! He was wearing a big clock around his neck ~ seriously!!! Too funny. Loved the rap! I really hope you come to visit DC again sometime! We need to get together.


9:23 PM
john said...

RE: Mean anonymous guy

Not sure how much "fame and cash", (with more emphasis on cash), that this video will garner. Can you be considered famous if you have 500+ viewers of this blog?

I liked the ending. Little anticlimatic, but I didn't want to see a bunch of the Cullen's die.

2:21 PM
Jamie said...

I hate you for not putting an "all of the above" on the voting and making me choose just one. You so rock!

4:52 AM
Anonymous said...

Serious flaw = Otter not a rodent

7:26 AM
Anonymous said...

I had a theory pop into my head last night. I think Ms. Meyers chose Renesmee, aka worst name ever, because that way she can track how many Twilight crazed fans actually name their children for one of her characters. Pretty hard to do with Edward or Jacob or Bella, but Renesmee? Where else would you get that name.

7:43 AM

OH! just too funny! loved it!

8:52 AM
Tavia said...

Very funny! couldn't agree more regarding the name Renesmee. What was Stephanie thinking?

9:22 AM
Cheryl said...

Great video.
I must disagree that Renesmee is the worst name ever. My dad's name is Robert and my mom's name is Kathleen. She though ROBALEEN or KATHERT would be wonderful names. They are both waaaay worse than Renesmee.

9:23 AM
Anonymous said...

Very funny. I hope you don't mind if I circulate this around (with full credits, of course)


-Izzie in N.Y.

P.S.- So when is the next one coming out? (:
...maybe for the host?

10:33 AM
Pappy Yokum said...

I never liked a bit of rap until I heard this! Way too funny!

11:31 AM
Andrea said...

That was really funny.

I really like SM's characters, but I have to disagree with the people who said more people would have been disappointed if a Cullen had died. Look at Harry Potter. You can have pretty important characters die, and people still love it (ie Dumbledore, Sirius, Fred (or was it George?).

11:49 AM
jaimilyn said...

My favorite bit isn't in the poll ... the thought of Jacob = Pluckie was awesome :)

1:13 PM
Natalie said...

You have WAY too much time on your hands.

1:58 PM
islandgirl said...

I LOVED it! And I agree 100% that the ending was LAME!

10:45 PM
normal mormon wife said...

I know I'm lucky anonymous at 5:49 pm, but back off, girl.

4:54 PM
Katie Beth said...

The Otter Pop was classic, man.

2:03 PM
Roxanne said...

OMG! I LOVE IT!!! I think my favorite part is Otter Edward for multiple reason that I cant explain here....
Your rap skills are pretty sweet! So when can we expect the next song? lol
I love coming to read your blog cause you make me laugh everytime!

2:16 PM
Angela said...

That makes so much more sense and is so much funnier now that I've read the book. Dag yo!

2:21 PM
Anonymous said...

dude- you're my hero. this is AWESOME.

3:31 PM
theIntrWeb said...

Hey anonymous at 7:03pm - looks like it's working, you're checking out the blog on the same day he posted the rap. Too bad you're too much of a namby pamby to sign in. All I can say is, unless you're really Flavor Flav, you gots no bidness talking to my boy NMH 'bout his rappin' skillz!

NMH, I'm a bad white rapper myself and I feel ya, bro. Fight the power!

12:14 PM
Anonymous said...

i need the lyrics of this..coz i`m gonna perform this in class. please..please help me..ahuhuhu...!!T_T...

please email me at and

thank u so much!!i need the lyrics as soon as posible!!

4:41 AM
Angela Weight said...

This is one of the funniest, most cleverly written things I've seen in a long time. Is it okay if I link to it from

10:25 AM

Thank you, that was just an awesome post!!!.....

6:08 AM