Girls Rule, Boys Drool..Yadda Yadda

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Okay, Hollywood, we get it!

With the upcoming release of the movie The Longshots we will have one of the oldest, most frustrating, cliché storylines forced down our throats yet again. Raise your hand if you have ever seen a movie that goes something like this:

A bunch of bumbling, hapless boys play on a horrible youth sports team that rarely, if ever, wins a game. Then a shy, reserved girl wants to join the inept, boys-only team in a boys-only league and encounters much opposition and obstacle in the process. The girl is eventually permitted to play and then somehow leads her team to an improbable league championship. We then learn that the girl is an undercover CIA Agent who can travel into the future to kill undead mummies. (Okay, that last part was made up, but you can probably relate to the sports part.)

I’ve been forced to watch so many of these “girl saves the team and vanquishes her male rivals” stories that I was nearly wetting myself Saturday when BYU was up 59-0 over UCLA going into the fourth quarter. I was convinced – CONVINCED – that UCLA would ask its female head cheerleader to play quarterback and she would orchestrate a 60-0 fourth quarter come from behind victory. After all, I’ve seen more improbable miracles happen in multiple The Longshots-type movies before.



It is frustrating as a sports-crazed male to endure the hype that is unleashed upon us when women “hang with the guys” in the sports world. With the amount of hype that Danica Patrick receives you would assume that she is the second coming of Mario Andretti, not a middle-of-the-road IndyCar racer. If I hear that golfer Michelle Wie gets another sponsor’s exemption to play in a men’s PGA event, my will to live might literally free itself from my body and voluntarily inhabit an oak tree in Outer Mongolia where it will never again have to hear or see these overblown “You Go, Girl!” stories.

But these stories seem to have a loyal fan base and play well to the general public. So, despite my frustration with the whole girl-whomps-the-boy genre, I’m going to contribute to it by sharing a very personal experience:

THE NORMAL MORMON WIFE IS IN FIRST PLACE IN THE NORMAL MORMON HUSBANDS FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE!

I started a 12-team fantasy football league this year for me, my friends, and a few cool strangers I have met through my blog. Eleven of the teams are managed by men. The twelfth is run by The Normal Mormon Wife. Most of the men in the league are pretty serious, competitive guys who know a lot about the NFL and strategies for winning fantasy football leagues. Several of us spent so much time reading Matthew Berry articles and listening to his podcasts in preparing for the fantasy draft that we hallucinated his physical presence the night we selected our players. I spent as much time preparing for this year’s draft as I did studying for the GMAT several years ago.

While most of the men in my fantasy football league could immediately tell you the name of the Miami Dolphins' Tight End (Anthony Fasano, thank you very much), the NMW could not tell you the difference between Maurice Jones-Drew, Maurice Morris, and Maurice Clarett. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I saw her glimpse an NFL game, let alone watch one from beginning to end. That said, the NMW likes college football, is a passionate Lakers fan, plays fantasy basketball, and usually does well in her NCAA Final Four brackets, so she does have some fantasy background. But when it comes to the NFL, she's really shooting in the dark for the most part.

Despite my wife’s complete lack of pro football knowledge she is in first place after two weeks in the Normal Mormon Husbands league. Actually, she’s waxing us. After two games she is 2-0 and her team has scored 289 points. There is only one other undefeated team (which is mine, by the way. Boo ya!) and the next highest point total is 250. The average point total is 205. Having the NMW in first place right now is like me beating her and ten of her girlfriends in a competitive scrapbooking contest despite not knowing the difference between a Crop-o-dile and an Olfa L1 knife.

With my wife and me holding the only two undefeated records at this point, I am desperately hoping that we will end up facing each other in our league’s Super Bowl. It would be the classic matchup of a highly favored, hyper-competitive man against an overmatched, underestimated woman who would have to silence her critics and defy the odds to win it all. Can you imagine if she ends up winning this whole thing?

Man, sounds like a great movie idea to me.

Do you think Hollywood would be open to an idea like that?


***MY COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS***

-Normal Mormon Wife - You're right. In the original post I focused too much on your lack of NFL experience and failed to mention the fact that you are a sports fan and even like playing fantasy NBA. I added that little tidbit in the revised version that is now available.

14 comments

normal mormon wife said...

Coupla thoughts:

*I can totally see why guys get so into fantasy sports. I am having a blast playing in this league! If I were in last place and getting my teeth kicked in, I might feel differently.

*You make it sound like I'm a sports idiot. I have my reasons for not watching the NFL, but I DO enjoy college football and have played lots of fantasy sports before. This is my first Roto league, though, and I have a feeling my beginner's luck is going to wear off soon.

*GIRL POWER!

6:57 PM
mama cow said...

I have one word for you "Ladybugs" If you have not seen this movie you MUST It is about a Girls soccer team and the Coach (Rodney Dangerfield) makes a boy, I think his girlfriends son, dress up as a girl to help this looser soccer team. I actually like this movie or well I did back in the day when we were OBSESSED with Jonathin Brandis who BTW is now dead ,suicide can you believe it all those wasted hours of teen adulation! Anyway just go to your local library I am sure they will have a copy if not I think you could get one on e-bay.

7:13 PM
Jamie said...

I pick my teams by which mascots I like best, then by colours of the uniforms. One year I had a pretty good record.

6:16 AM
Anonymous said...

Not to argue your point but: Be aware that the Indy Car series is over for the season, the results are in and posted. Danica deserves a bit more than your relegation to "middle"; Danica won a race this year and finished higher in the championship points than ANY OTHER AMERICAN DRIVER! Yep, she's the best American driver in the highest form of racing in America. We'll just ignore NASCAR where seriously flawed persons crash each other in their taxi-cab type sedans.
Tony

8:37 AM
Trent Kingston said...

To the last comment. Cancar racing and golf really be considered sports? They certainly require skill but not necissarily athletic ability. I would however consider golf a true sport (even though I love to play it) if they let the gallery heckle and yell because then you would see how these men and women truly handle pressure and are able to concentrate.

Great post NMH, I completely agree with you. Good luck on the fantasy season, you must not have been unlucky like me and drafted both Tom Brady and Colston? Oh, and fantasy wise isn't David Martin much more valuable than Fasono for the dolphins - I guess that is relative because I can't imagine starting anyone on the dolphins right now in a 12 team league.....

8:46 AM
wonder woman said...

A few years ago, my husband did brackets during the March Madness, but with superheroes, along with some star wars characters. He searched some geek boards and asked, "Who would win? Superman or Yoda?" and the like. I participated for fun, and ended up winning. Got a chocolate malt, and a bit more respect at his office.

10:50 AM
Col.Smeag said...

Keep it up NM Wife! So what's your secret to picking a succeful Fantasy Football Team. Like I said before not a big fnatasy guy ecpt for "fantasy Isalnd" I loved Tattoo. De Plain De Plain. But back on the subject of chicks in sports movies, I agree we men ened to stand up and say NO to such movies, ofcourse it will porbably be in the Bathroom while we practice what were going to say to the wife before you have to get in the car and make the run to the Blockbuster or "enter generic movie rental store here".

5:33 PM
Sandy said...

I think you need to make a bet with your wife for the winner of this thing - dishes for a year, perhaps?

6:21 PM
Barbaloot said...

I'm a girl---but I think I might be broken cuz I hate the movies where girls are all of a sudden tougher than guys. Not. Real. Life. But this movie is the worst cuz now a girl is playing football. Football?! A girl-with boys?

But-props to your wife for winning fantasy football! I beat my brothers in our fantasy soccer league so I guess we can get props there:)

6:25 PM
Pappy Yokum said...

I hate those movies too and so does my wife. On the other hand, she does like it in real life when a girl can beat a boy in sports. One of her favorite memories from grade school is when she beat the boys' one-on-one champion in front of the whole school. And be careful about letting her play on the opposing team in basketball because she loves to box in that stud muffin guy right under the basket where the only rebound he gets is the one dropping through bottom of the net.

11:31 AM
Jami said...

Sports moron here. How do you play Fantasy Football? You pretend to manage a real team and their record is your own? Or you get to choose real-life players' names for a pretend team? Enlighten me. Purdy please.

9:03 AM
J Rogers said...

I too get sick of girls saving the day in guy sport flicks. I do love sports flicks without the chicks saving the day though. I am an unusual chick. I dig man flicks. I went to see Indiana Jones in the theater and came home to my lovely husband watching P.S. I love you. You would never see me watching a chick flick. They embarrass the heck out of me. I am the one that watches football at our house. When we first were married (before kids) I thought Monday night football was a great thing to do for family home evening. So I say good for your wife. She must rock.

7:19 PM
AMW-loves-NAH said...

Um, insecure much? Thanks for supporting ALL the male/female stereotypes and misconceptions in ONE blog post. UGH! You do, however, make my love MY husband ever so much more...so, thanks for that.

Abnormal Mormon Wife (Married to Normal Atheist Husband)

8:15 AM
R Max said...

You are brilliant.

I'm starting a new thing. Usually I comment on and on ad infinitum, blah blah, boringness upon tedium but I am turning over a new leaf. I am now going to put in three words or less, how I feel about what I read so you know what I think without wading through all the rubbish. Saves me all that needless typing and you won't have all that cyber paper to recycle. So just completely disregard this whole paragraph...because I'm going to streamline my comments. Starting now. With you. See how much better a comment is when it's only THREE WORDS? or less.

1:12 AM