Okay, Hollywood, we get it!
With the upcoming release of the movie The Longshots we will have one of the oldest, most frustrating, cliché storylines forced down our throats yet again. Raise your hand if you have ever seen a movie that goes something like this:
A bunch of bumbling, hapless boys play on a horrible youth sports team that rarely, if ever, wins a game. Then a shy, reserved girl wants to join the inept, boys-only team in a boys-only league and encounters much opposition and obstacle in the process. The girl is eventually permitted to play and then somehow leads her team to an improbable league championship. We then learn that the girl is an undercover CIA Agent who can travel into the future to kill undead mummies. (Okay, that last part was made up, but you can probably relate to the sports part.)
I’ve been forced to watch so many of these “girl saves the team and vanquishes her male rivals” stories that I was nearly wetting myself Saturday when BYU was up 59-0 over UCLA going into the fourth quarter. I was convinced – CONVINCED – that UCLA would ask its female head cheerleader to play quarterback and she would orchestrate a 60-0 fourth quarter come from behind victory. After all, I’ve seen more improbable miracles happen in multiple The Longshots-type movies before.
It is frustrating as a sports-crazed male to endure the hype that is unleashed upon us when women “hang with the guys” in the sports world. With the amount of hype that Danica Patrick receives you would assume that she is the second coming of Mario Andretti, not a middle-of-the-road IndyCar racer. If I hear that golfer Michelle Wie gets another sponsor’s exemption to play in a men’s PGA event, my will to live might literally free itself from my body and voluntarily inhabit an oak tree in Outer Mongolia where it will never again have to hear or see these overblown “You Go, Girl!” stories.
But these stories seem to have a loyal fan base and play well to the general public. So, despite my frustration with the whole girl-whomps-the-boy genre, I’m going to contribute to it by sharing a very personal experience:
THE NORMAL MORMON WIFE IS IN FIRST PLACE IN THE NORMAL MORMON HUSBANDS FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE!
I started a 12-team fantasy football league this year for me, my friends, and a few cool strangers I have met through my blog. Eleven of the teams are managed by men. The twelfth is run by The Normal Mormon Wife. Most of the men in the league are pretty serious, competitive guys who know a lot about the NFL and strategies for winning fantasy football leagues. Several of us spent so much time reading Matthew Berry articles and listening to his podcasts in preparing for the fantasy draft that we hallucinated his physical presence the night we selected our players. I spent as much time preparing for this year’s draft as I did studying for the GMAT several years ago.
While most of the men in my fantasy football league could immediately tell you the name of the Miami Dolphins' Tight End (Anthony Fasano, thank you very much), the NMW could not tell you the difference between Maurice Jones-Drew, Maurice Morris, and Maurice Clarett. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I saw her glimpse an NFL game, let alone watch one from beginning to end. That said, the NMW likes college football, is a passionate Lakers fan, plays fantasy basketball, and usually does well in her NCAA Final Four brackets, so she does have some fantasy background. But when it comes to the NFL, she's really shooting in the dark for the most part.
Despite my wife’s complete lack of pro football knowledge she is in first place after two weeks in the Normal Mormon Husbands league. Actually, she’s waxing us. After two games she is 2-0 and her team has scored 289 points. There is only one other undefeated team (which is mine, by the way. Boo ya!) and the next highest point total is 250. The average point total is 205. Having the NMW in first place right now is like me beating her and ten of her girlfriends in a competitive scrapbooking contest despite not knowing the difference between a Crop-o-dile and an Olfa L1 knife.
With my wife and me holding the only two undefeated records at this point, I am desperately hoping that we will end up facing each other in our league’s Super Bowl. It would be the classic matchup of a highly favored, hyper-competitive man against an overmatched, underestimated woman who would have to silence her critics and defy the odds to win it all. Can you imagine if she ends up winning this whole thing?
Man, sounds like a great movie idea to me.
Do you think Hollywood would be open to an idea like that?
***MY COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR COMMENTS***
-Normal Mormon Wife - You're right. In the original post I focused too much on your lack of NFL experience and failed to mention the fact that you are a sports fan and even like playing fantasy NBA. I added that little tidbit in the revised version that is now available.