The scriptures tell us that we shalt not covet. We are specifically warned against coveting our neighbor's houses, wives, man-servants (Deacon who cuts his lawn?), maid-servant (semi-legal Puerto Rican nanny?) or farm animals (children?).
Fortunately for me, there is no specific warning against coveting your father's house. In my latest trip from North Carolina back home to Utah my dad was giddy to show me how he had finished his basement. When I say giddy, I mean Christmas Eve giddy. The night before Stake Lagoon Day giddy. Learning that the Lakers traded a washed-up player, a bottle of Ex-Lax, and a $2 bill for Paul Gasol giddy. And he had reason to be so excited.
He created a man cave.
And I'm not really coveting, per se, because that's bad. I am perfectly content with my man cave-less house. But let's just say that if somebody offered to construct a similar room in my house that I'd be all over that like Oprah on a hot ham.
My dad's basement has a a High Def ceiling-mounted projector that enables you to watch NBA players in life size proportions. You can nearly taste Derron Williams' sweat and understand every single one of Jerry Sloan's F-bombs as your body molds into a Luv Sac or a Lazy Boy. The Lazy Boys even have cup holders. In addition to the iMax TV experience, there is a pool table and a foosball table that are put to use during halftime or when the Lakers are losing by 86 points to the Celtics in the NBA Finals. I truly bonded with my dad as we relaxed in the dark and watched the Jazz first pre-season game. Most of our sentences consisted of three words or less and sounded like, "Nice huss'", "Bad pass", "Hit a jumper!", or "Good helpside", but it brought us together like eating undercooked pancakes at a Fathers and Sons outing.
My dad then waxed me at pool to assert his silverback/alpha-male status. It was good times.
The visit to the man cave has caused me to think about what my personal man cave would look like if I ever had the room and the money to do it. I'm pretty sure that my recent investments in Fanny Mae and Lehman Brothers will soon pay off big time and give me some free cash to play around with. Hold on while I check their stock quotes....Guh...arrrgh....uuggghhh.
Okay, I will never be able to build a man cave. But if I could here is what it would look like:
I was also trying to work out enough room to build a sound-proof child play area, but after heavy consideration I went with the game table and pantry.
Guys, what do you think? Go ahead and vote in the poll to let me know what needs to stay and what could go. Post some comments as well to list additional items that should ideally be squeezed into the man cave. And ladies, you often tend to have a better eye for interior decorating, so please post some suggestions as well.
Since my Fanny May and Lehman investments are not paying off, I'll have to save enough money for my future man cave through other means.
If any of you want to fire the Deacon who mows your lawn or let go of your semi-legal Puerto Rican nanny, please let me know. I'm looking to supplement my income.