The Normal Mormon Wife and I just finished our Wednesday night tradition of laying down on the couch together under a warm, heavy blanket and watching Lost (okay, we snuggled, but it looked really feminine when I first wrote the word "snuggled".) Beside our date night that we try to scheme every weekend, I think watching Lost together is some of the most enjoyable time we spend as a couple every week. It is an absolute necessity that we watch Lost together for two primary reasons:
1) The NMW has to explain to me what is going on several times each episode. The whole time travel thing has really, really messed me up.
2) I serve a purpose similar to that of a cat's scratching pole for the NMW every time Ben does something creepy.
Because of my first-hand experience with how a television show jam packed with murder, deceipt, genocide, lying, manipulation, time travel and torture can enhance a married couple's love for each other, I felt compelled to come to the assistance of a reader named LOLiTA who said:
"My hubby and I have a disagreement when it comes to how we watch tv/movies together. I like the closed captioning on; he likes it off. This has caused a wedge in our tv viewing, and now we have to watch LOST on separate tv's; in separate rooms. Please help unite my family!"
Lolita, you and your husband are on dangerous ground here. If you cannot overcome this issue pretty soon you may end up living separate lives, just like when Sawyer and Kate were trapped in the opposing polar bear cages. You may never again experience the joys of riding a two-man bicycle, frolicking on a teeter-totter or sharing a bareback horse ride on the beach as the sun goes down behind the ocean. On second thought, all of those two-person activities sound fairly painful and would result in soreness, chafing and a possible staff infection. Maybe you would be happier and healthier living separate lives...
On a more serious note, the NMW and I attempted to watch a portion of Lost tonight with the closed captioning on as research for my advice to you. After about thirty seconds with CC, I made my decision:
Your husband is right. You need to take one for the team and turn off the closed captioning. There are a few understandable reasons for this.
1) I found myself paying more attention to the letters on the screen than on the actor's facial expressions, subtle movements and flaming arrows sticking out of their chests.
2) The CC jumps all over the screen when two people are having a conversation, which is distracting. It also covers up the actors faces at times. Since I have a mild crush on Kate and the NMW kinda digs Jack, covering their faces with closed captioning is like painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa.
3) Sometimes the captions appear on the screen before one of the characters delivers a dramatic, intense one-liner, spoiling the moment for everybody.
But having the CC on was not all bad. Reading along with the dialogue helped me remember some of the details that I would have otherwise paid no attention to. Also, there were a few funny moments where the closed captioning described sounds in the background like (waves crashing), (wind blowing through trees) and (Hurly's stomach growling like the sound coming from the Pit of Despair in The Princess Bride.)
I think if we had enabled the closed captioning during tonight's episode when Sawyer goes back in time to see Kate delivering Claire's baby, it would have looked like this:
Kate: Push, Claire!
(Claire grunting like Pumbaa from The Lion King)
Kate: I see the head!
(Rubbery stretching sound coming from Claire's body)
Kate: The baby's out!
(Sound of afterbirth being delivered)
(Sawyer throwing up in background)
Now, while I agree with your husband to kill the CC, perhaps the two of you can strike a deal. Unless you TiVo Lost you probably have a few minutes of free time during the commercials. What if you turn the CC off during the show and then turn it back on during the commercials? Since most programs have about twenty minutes of commercial breaks you would still be able to satisfy a little bit of your strange addiction to closed captioning.
Do whatever it takes to start watching Lost as a couple again. It will enrich your marriage and give you at least one night every week where you can lay down on the couch, wrap your arms around each other, and get comfy under a big blanket.
Just don't call it snuggling.
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