I played high school basketball with a guy named Manjuan. Seriously. Manjuan. While he simply went by "Juan", we all knew he had the word "Man" in his name as well. Most of the guys on the basketball team ended up being doctors, engineers, shipping managers, and food storage/weapons/ammunition/survivalist supply brokers. But one of us turned out to play pro football.
Manjuan, of course.
I am almost positive that Juan's biceps ended up bigger than my thighs because of his "Man"-ly name. It also increased his vertical by 9 inches, decreased his 40 time by .2 seconds and made it completely impossible for him to watch romantic comedies.
One of the most important decisions we make as parents is the name we slap on our kids. It stays with them forever, unless they pull a Homer Simpson and change it to Max Power or Hercules Q. Powerful as an adult. Sometimes we give them names with a meaning, like Christian or Chastity, and hope it influences their behavior. You know, like how Christian Bale shows patience, forgiveness and love for his fellowmen while filming his movies.
Sometimes we pick a because we just like it. For example, Kobe Bryant's dad picked out his name because his favorite meal was kobe steak. It would have been wonderful if Kobe's dad was addicted to ham hocks or instead of kobe. I can just imagine Marv Albert announcing Game 7 of the NBA Finals with the Lakers down one on their final possession.
"Odom inbounds to Fisher at the top of the key. Gasol sets a pick for Bryant who pops to the wing. Fisher gets the ball to Pork Loin Bryant. Pork Loin drives baseline. Pork Loin pulls up from fifteen...hand in his face...the fade away jumper is up...IT'S GOOOOD! Pork Loin brings home the bacon!"
The topic of naming babies is a very important one in the LDS world because we have to do it so many more times throughout the courses of our lives than the general population. In fact, I have blogged extensively about this subject and even developed a point-based system to help prevent LDS parents from having to explain to their son why they named him Mahonri Moriancumer Johnson. You can read the Baby Name Manifesto and the Baby Name Scoring Test from March 2008 if you need a refresher.
Baby naming can be so hard that even the NMW and I could not agree on the spelling of our second child's name and we agree on almost everything (except for pronouncing the word "coupon" and eating wheat pasta.) The NMW and I are not the only ones who have struggled picking baby names. A reader of the NMH blog called Runningfam responded to the mediation post with the following plea for help:
"My husband and I are expecting our fourth child, a girl, after having three boys. He loves a certain girl name that I hate, but he has his heart set on using it. I think if both parents don't love a name, it's out. He thinks that because he loves it so much, I should give in because 'the name will grow on me.' We've been debating about this for almost 11 years. Help!"
After swapping a few emails with Runningfam I received her permission to list the names they are considering for their baby. They have been very good sports about the whole thing and consented to letting the names be voted on by you, the NMH community. Little did Runningfam know that by allowing me to put the poll on my blog they are now legally obligated to use the name with the most votes. Ha ha, suckers! Next time read the fine print! They originally sent the following seven possibilities (their last name is pronounced "Bart-uhl", not "Bar-tell"):
Shyloh Rebekah Bartle
Lindsey Nicole Bartle
Alexis Paige Bartle
Kyra Michelle Bartle
Autumn Taylor Bartle
Sarah Kate Bartle
Allison Kennedy Bartle
Since seven names are too many for a poll, I am claiming the executive privilege of paring the list down to five. Based upon my personal preferences the name Shyloh Rebekah was immediately axed because the poor girl would spend her entire life saying, "My first name is spelled S-H-Y-L-O-H and my middle name is with a "-kah", not a "-cca". That would get annoying pretty fast. The second name I eliminated is Kyra Michelle. I don't have anything in particular against either of those names but I am pretty sure there will be a cheesy female superhero named "Kyra" who appears in a lame movie in 3-5 years. I am expecting a thank you email from the Bartle's in 2014.
As for my vote, I'm going with Alexis Paige.
So, everybody, a child's future hangs in the balance. Please choose wisely. Your vote may put this little girl in the White House or the Big House.
Or in the NFL. That would be awesome.
I wonder if the Bartles ever considered naming her Womanjuan?
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