The results of the NMH Oscars are in. And like a roundhouse kick to the face, Kung Fu Panda smizz-acked the competition. KFP received 41% of the vote for Best Picture and Po ran away (er, lugged his chubby, out-of-shape, doughy body along as he wheezed and gasped for air) with Best Actor by garnering 37% of the votes. Best Actress went to Eve from WALL-E and her 39% of all votes, though I think most people voted for her out of fear that she would blast off their domes with a precision laser shot if they voted for anybody else. Those of you who voted for Miggery Sow, be afraid. Be very afraid. Eve is jealous and vindictive and connected 24/7 to the internet. She knows who you voted for and where you live. If I were you I would take Metallica's advice and "sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight..." tonight.
(Great, now I have "Enter Sandman" going through my head..."Exit light, enter night, take my hand..." STOP IT! FOCUS! FOCUS! When is this, anyway? My senior year of high school?)
I have contacted the people who will be writing the acceptance speeches (Jen-Kung Fu Panda, Janet-Po, Jolyn-Eve) and will get those non-political remarks posted next week.
A few of you left some excellent comments that I wanted to touch on real quick, so here it goes.
("...Off to never, never land...duh-duh-DUH-DUH-DUH-duh-duh-DUH-DUH-DUH...PLEASE STOP, BRAIN!")
Carmar76 - You were excited that Bedtime Stories had Adam Sandler in it. I was too. When the NMH and I started dating in 1996, Adam Sandler was one of my favorite actors. In fact, our first date was watching Happy Gilmore together in her apartment, so some of the credit for my eternal happiness goes to Adam Sandler. Between 1995 and 1998 he starred in Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy and some of the funniest SNL spots ever produced. The next few years were so-so (Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds) and from 2002 on I had not seen a single Adam Sandler movie. I missed him. Most of his PG-13 stuff became too vulgar for my tastes, so it was good to see Opera Man back in action on the big screen.
("...Something's wrong, shut the light, Heavy thoughts tonight, And they aren't of Snow White..." I'm trying to hum a Primary song in my head right now, but James Hetfield is winning.)
Megan - You said, "Miggery Sow is the night's biggest winner. Just like the real Academy Awards, I haven't seen the movie. So, she must win!" Classic. Just classic. I know how you feel.
Sheryl with an S - Your comment was, "The best line my family quotes, 'In my world everyone's a pony, eats rainbows and poops butterflies' from Horton Here's a Who." Well, I guess you guys don't need to scrub your toilets every Saturday like we do. But what does that do to your ceilings? Anyway, you may have just inspired a future blog post of the movie quotes that somehow, someway "stick" and get repeated over and over again in our families. For example, the NMW and I always use a quote from David Putty from Seinfeld when he said, "I'm not a grease monkey. You're the grease monkey! Grease monkey!" Everybody please post a comment and let me know if you would like this to be a future post.
Amy Btw-M, Meredith, Admiral Lily and Rachel - Ah, the Troy fan club. When the Normal Mormon Family watched HSM 3 the first thing I said to the NMW was, "Dude, Zac Efron has got to be on 'roids. I mean, look at the size of his biceps compared to HSM 2! It's like looking at Barry Bonds on the Pirates versus Barry Bonds on the Giants. The circumference of the vein running down the middle of his arm is wider than a McDonald's straw." But hey, the guy makes family friendly Disney movies, so I wish him nothing but success.
("...Dreams of wars, Dreams of liars, Dreams of dragon's fire, And of things that will bite..." Ugh! STOP ALREADY!...)
Joh-Michael - You admitted that, "WALL-E was so unique and unexpectedly heartwarming. My nearly 4 year-old son has watched that movie 50 times since Christmas." I was going to criticize you for using a movie as your son's babysitter, but it is 5:30 p.m. right now and I just put on a Disney DVD for my daughter so that I could crank out a quick blog post while the NMW is at a baby shower. Yes, I have a mote in my eye. Or is it a beam? Whichever it is, you will receive no criticism from me.
Melanie - When referring to WALL-E you said, "I have to admit that the environmental undertones in WALL-E kind of get on my nerves. . . . but since we're not going all political on here I'll shut up now." Thank you for not going "all political" but still bringing up a subject that touches a nerve with me as well. Most every person or organization that lectures the rest of us on the environment has a beam in their eye (or mote, whatever) when they do. Just today, for example, the Normal Mormon Family went to the Natural Science Center. This massive complex is spread out over several acres that used to be pristine, untouched woodland. It then took a bunch of animals captive (tigers, wolves, monkeys, etc.), uses tons of energy and leaves a larger carbon footprint (or whatever the new buzzword is) which contributes to more global warming (or whatever it's called now - climate change?) in one day than I will in my lifetime. Yet they still have the gall to lecture me through signs and videos about treating the environment and animals with care and respect. I blogged about the environmental hypocrisy of Disney before (click here and go to 12:32 p.m.) and still feel the same way today. Look, I love the earth. It is the Lord's creation and we are its stewards. I will do my part to take care of it, so please stop lecturing me. Ugh. It's tiresome.
Janet - You said, "I say Po for best actor simply because I have a thang for Jack Black." Every short, chubby, funny man in America just felt a little more optimistic about the future prospects of finding love in his life.
Snakeriverwalton - Your comment was, "I voted for Kung-fu Panda because of it's wide and varied use of the word 'awesome' in it's many forms. In short, it was awesome." Awesome comment, snakeriverwalton. Just awesome.
The Oregonians - Grandpa! How could I flub your age and call you an 85-year-old when you are actually a young, spry 84-year-old? My bad, grandpa, my bad. If it makes you feel any better, you don't look a day over 81.
("...Hush little baby don't say a word, And never mind that noise you heard, It's just the beast under your bed, In your closet in your head...")
All right, guys, thanks for the votes and the comments on the NMH Oscars. Now I'm just going to give in to Enter Sandman, headbang for a few minutes, and then get back to you in a few days.
("...Exit light, Enter night...")
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