100 Legs of Death

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Fears. Phobias. Things that make you want to wet your pants. We all have them. My greatest fear?

Heights. No doubt. I'm a heights wuss. If I had a custom wall quote summarizing my philosophy on life it would read, "If you take me anywhere high, you will get punched in the face." (BTW - you can get this or any other wall quote, wall art, vinyl lettering, etc. from Belvedere Deisgns, a new NMH sponsor.)

But before getting into what the Normal Mormon Wife and I are afraid of, please post some comments outlining your greatest fears. It would be interesting to see what keeps this group up at night. Other than living on the east coast and trying to stay up until 1:00 a.m. to see how the Lakers-Jazz games end, that is. Being an east coast sports fan stinks!

In addition to heights, my top-five list of fears also includes mean dogs with sharp fangs, a murderer unexpectedly grabbing my ankle from under the bed, having a head-on collision with an 18-wheeler, and every person who attended Kearns High School. But none of those four even come close to my insane fear of heights.

I have been terrified of heights for as long as I can remember. This phobia may have started as a small child sitting in the back seat of the family car as my dad would drive us through Little Cottonwood Canyon. Dad thought it was hilarious to veer our Oldsmobile Cutlass Sierra toward 100-foot cliffs that were right next to the road, which lacked guardrails. As soon as we were mere inches from plummeting to a horrific, fiery death, my dad would then pretend that he was losing control of the car and we were all goners.

Five family members would laugh at my dad's “I’m gonna kill my whole family” joke. I, on the other hand, would lose control of important bodily functions and then have to pretend for the rest of the day that I spilled lemonade in my lap. You know, stale lemonade that smelled strongly of ammonia.

While I am terrified of heights, they do not bother the Normal Mormon Wife in the least bit. In fact, she seems to enjoy them. The NMW would be up for wholesome recreational activities like a hot air balloon ride, bungee jumping, or skydiving if she were not married to such a pansy. (I bet a manly man like Jack from Lost would take the NMW bungee jumping from a hot air balloon if given the chance. This is why the Normal Mormon Family will never, ever visit Hollywood again. I just can't risk the two of them meeting each other.)

While my fear is heights, the NMW is afraid of bugs. Not small insects that she could easily kill like ants, caterpillars, lady bugs, or Ryan Seacrest. The NMW is afraid of larger, creepier-crawlier bugs like big beetles, grasshoppers, grubs, and man-eating worms. I feel bad that she is afraid of certain insects because you can encounter bugs anytime, anywhere, without being able to prepare yourself for it. It's sort of like running into Suge Knight at the grocery store. At least with a fear of heights I can prepare myself in advance for a drive through the canyon, a visit to the top of a high rise, or being shot out of a circus cannon. Heights never sneak up on you. But bugs? They'll get you when you least expect it.

On Friday morning, the NMW least expected it.

I got a frantic phone call from her that morning as I drove into work. As best I can remember, here is what the 9-1-1 transcript would have looked like:

Me: "G'morning, hot pants."
NMW, sounding panicked: “There is a huge centipede inside our house! Not a small centipede, a HUGE one! It's on the stairs outside our bedroom door. What do I do!!?? How do I kill it?"
Me, sounding like Jack Bauer: "Smash it with a broom!" (Then, after fearing that the broom bristles may be too flimsy to smash the centipede.) "No! Not a broom. Use the Swiffer! It's firmer. Yeah, use the Swiffer!" (I think Jack Bauer has killed at least forty-two terrorists with a Swiffer, right?)
NMW: But won't that just smoosh it into the carpet? I don't want to leave a big mess."
Me: "Oh! I know. Get the bug spray and spray it first. That should stun it so it doesn't move. Then you can kill it easier!" (I'm half tempted to tell her to light a match and hold it up to the nozzle of the aerosol bug spray can and just torch the centipede, but I'd hate to lose the house in a raging inferno over a caterpillar on steroids.)
NMW: I don't think the bug spray would work on it. This isn't an ant or a potato bug. It's a centipede! A CEN-TUH-PEED!"
Me: "Okay, just use a shoe."
NMW: "I can't get my hand that close to that thing! What if it bites me? Centipedes bite hard, don't they?"
Me: "You could put on the big yellow rubber toilet scrubbing gloves if you're afraid it's going to bite you." (I'm pretty sure that by the time the NMW confronts the centipede she will be wearing yellow rubber gloves with a couch cushion duct taped to her chest and a metal spaghetti strainer on her head as a helmet.)
NMW: "I don't know if I can do this! I'm terrified right now."
Me: "Do you need me to come home?" (I'm secretly hoping she says, "Yes, yes, you brave, brave, sexy man! Please, instead of going to work, come home and vanquish the hideous beast!" But....)
NMW: "No, don't come home. I'm getting the broom. I'll call you back."
Me: (Darn it!)

Ten minutes later my phone rings....

Me: "Hello."
NMW: "It's gone."
Me: "What? It's gone?"
NMW: "Yep, it's gone. When I came back up the stairs it was gone. I think it might be hiding in the load of laundry.
Me: "Good. Just take the laundry basket outside."
NMW: "What if I just did the load of laundry with the centipede in it? There no way a centipede could survive both the wash and the dry cycles, right?"
Me: "Yeah, that would definitely kill it." (And some people think the CIA was too rough by water boarding blood-thirsty terrorists at Guantanamo. The CIA's got nothin' on the NMW.)
NMW: "But wouldn't that be too messy? It's all about the mess for me. This thing is HUGE!"
Me: "Hon, I am both worried for and amused by you at the same time."
NMW: "Those are appropriate reactions. I'm taking the laundry outside and hope the centipede will slink away. I'll call you later."

About twelve minutes later my phone rings again....

NMW: "I didn't see it leave the laundry basket. What if it's hiding in our bed?"
Me: "Don't worry about it." (Great. I'm really worried about the NMW at this point. Now that she has imagined the centipede in our bed she will probably be sleeping in the van for the next month. Good thing we have Stow 'N Go seating in the Caravan. What can I say to help her remember that we are only talking about an insect here? Oh! I know! Talk about an axe murderer!) "It's not like an axe murderer is hiding behind every door in the house just waiting to jump out and scare you. It's just a bug. We'll take care of it."
NMW: "I'm not worried about an axe murderer. I'm worried about the CEN-TUH-PEED!"
Me: "You gonna be okay?" (Please, please, please tell me to come home to comfort you!)
NMW: "I guess I'll be okay. I'll call you if I see it again."
Me: (Darn it!)

The NMW never called back. I feel so bad for my awesome wife. Having a centipede on the loose in our house is honestly terrifying for her. I wish I could just find that darn thing and then have some fun with it before getting rid of it. You know, rough it up a little bit. Make it sweat. Make it pay for scaring my wife. Put it in the bird feeder for a few minutes. Dangle it over our sharp, pointy, thorny bushes. Tell it some mean "Yo' mamma....." jokes.

All of this means that we still have a rogue centipede somewhere in our house. I'm pretty sure he's conspiring with the ants, lady bugs and mosquitoes to kill us in our sleep somehow. If the insects end up whacking me tonight, please have my remains cremated and spread along Carolina Beach.

Just don't spread my ashes from anywhere too high.

That would totally freak me out.

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43 comments

Brian said...

Hilarious post. My worst fear is calling someone by their wrong name (and not realizing it). This fear has led me to greet others like "hey...you" for my entire life, even though I was 99% sure that I knew their name.

11:10 PM
Heather said...

I think i might have the same reaction as NMW if i saw a centipede hopped up on steroids...
ew
I'm terrified of any and all Jim Henson creation. Muppets freak me out. Did you ever see that movie "The Labyrinth"? I cried for a week after i saw it and i could never look at David Bowie the same again (though that may have been the pale tights). My aunt once bought me a Miss Piggy stuffed doll for my birthday. I made my father rip it to shreds and bury it in the back yard.
Don't even get me started on "The Muppets Take Manhatten" and "Sesame Street"
*shudder*

2:24 AM

My number one fear is being kidnapped. Or someone breaking into our house. Even worse if i come home when they are still there!
My second greatest fear is clowns and things in costumes. Yeah, halloween? Not a good day for me.
Third is heights prob. Hate heights.
Another thing, scary movies. I hate scary movies. Nothig keeps me up at night like thinking theres an insane dude with a hockey mask and chainsaw is hiding in my closet. So nothing even remotely creepy is good for me.
ONE more thing, dead stuff. I cant go to funerals. Anything dead creeps me out. When i went to my grandmas open casket, i didntsleep a bit that night. Uugghh!! After this is probably insects :p.

Im probably the biggest woosy imagimeable. The list extends FAR further than this...

8:28 AM

I am deathly afraid of publicly acknowledging that I think a woman is pregnant when she is actually, how do I put this nicely, just fat. In my book, this is the single worst way to put your foot in your mouth.

No matter how obviously pregnant a woman is, I refuse to ask even simple questions like "when are you due?" or "Do you know if you are having a boy or a girl yet?"

The child's head could be poking out singing "Oklahoma" and I would still refuse to acknowledge out loud that I think she is pregnant.

Much like a centipede, one can never prepare for the moment when he will encounter a seemingly great-with-child woman and let loose the P-bomb. It could happen at church, in the elevator, even at home if the Visiting Teachers stop by.

Vigilance, constant vigilance, is the only way to combat my greatest fear.

8:34 AM
Tiffany said...

Ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid that someone was going to kill me while I was unawareingly taking a shower. I don't know why...but it freaks me out. (and I've never even seen Psycho) I'm also afraid of the pregnancy thing--I NEVER ever ask someone if they're pregnant b/c I know the day I do I'm going to regret it. Also, I'm afraid of my toddler's teeth. Its scary when you realize that your child could hurt you if she wanted to (she hasn't..but it still scares me).

9:31 AM
Tammy said...

BEES!!! Any type of insect really. But bees... oh man. My palms sweat just thinking about them!

Also, teaching Gospel Doctrine. I substituted once and I was so scared I could hardly breathe! Seriously.

9:51 AM
Karen said...

Eek! I'm freaked out by spiders. A lot of times I end up having to kill them, and what I found works easiest is to vacuum them up. Supposedly the vacuuming kills them, but even if that part didn't, they couldn't possibly survive with all that dust and stuff, right?

Lie to me and tell me I'm right.

10:02 AM

I hate, Hate, HATE snakes! One time I saw what I thought was a piece of tubing in the road, and I avoided running over it because I live in a rural area and it could be a valuable piece to a tractor or something and some farmer might want it. I looked in my rear-view mirror and the tube was moving! It was a giant blow snake! I considered backing up and running it over, but then I would get snake guts on my car. YUCK YUCK YUCK

10:33 AM
Melanie said...

I hate bugs! Especially spiders. I am actually teaching my three year old, to like bugs so he can take care of them for me when my husband is not around!
I totally agree with The Average Joel. I made that mistake once. I will never ask someone if they are pregnant!
I'm also afraid someone is hiding in my house waiting to kill me. I check my closets regularly.(Or I send my husband to check them regularly:)

12:01 PM
Anonymous said...

I'm afraid to parallel park. I'm really bad at it and avoid it at all costs. Especially if I'm driving and my husband is with me because he laughs hysterically. It's really embarrassing. Whenever I'm going someplace new I'm always nervous that there won't be an acceptable parking space available. Now I'm going to post as Anonymous because I'm seriously embarrassed that I posted this!

12:16 PM
Sarah said...

You know what I'm afraid of? That your diary calendar is not, in fact, a day off but rather I am ahead of you in time and have lost a whole day. A whole day of my life. Please tell me that Sunday was April 26 so that I can live normally again.

1:23 PM
Sarah said...

Oh, I'm also afraid that the first Anon poster might breed.

1:28 PM
Erika said...

I'm afraid of spiders, the dark and scary movies. And the movies only have to be remotely scary, like "I am Legend." I seriously screamed and freaked out when my husband stood in the doorway in the dark and then he had to walk with me through the house. I'm also afraid of spirits, since we believe in them and everything. I'm always so afraid I will see one. I told my husband if he died to NEVER come and visit me after b/c I would be too freaked out.

1:40 PM
Amy Btw M said...

My greatest fear was realized today...Having the Bishop sit in on my Sunday School lesson. Ahhhh! Well, it was pretty frightening, but I think driving in a blizzard scares me more, and bugs. I would have been terrified of that Centipede. Also, someone else mentioned spirits. I think the good spirits would be okay, but evil spirits scare me bad. I have slept with the lights on many a time being scared of evil spirits lurking.

3:48 PM
Sandy said...

I have a heights problem, too - I'm fine in airplanes, but I have to close my eyes if we drive too near a cliff (or slight incline, for that matter), can't look out from the top of a parking garage, stand on a chair and look down..you get the idea. I'm also claustrophobic. You couldn't have paid me enough to go through the Nutty Putty caves as a BYU student.

4:07 PM
carmar76 said...

Worms. They terrify me. Even typing the word just now gave me a shiver. YICK! When I was little, my brother tripped over something & dropped a whole cup of bait on me. I can only remember up to a certain point, which I think is my mind's way of protecting me from going into a catatonic shock phase.

Interestingly, catepilars don't bother me, because they're furry & have legs, but cetnipedes freak me out because they're shiny & look more like worms w/ legs. *shudder* Time to think of some fluffy bunnies!!

4:12 PM
Maren Hansen said...

Okay, we have these HUGE house centipedes that invade our house in the hot months. They must have thousands of yucky legs and they move like lightning. And they bite. People try to tell me they are good because they eat the nasty camel crickets that get in the basement, but that's sort of like saying a conventional bomb is okay because it's not nuclear... However, I am most of afraid of water. Particularly my kids by water. It's by far my worst phobia: drowning.

6:46 PM

The Average Joel - I lived your worst nightmare on my mission. I asked a rather large Chilean woman, "So, when are you do?" and she angrily said, "I'm not pregnant, Gringo!" I spoke Spanish too well at that point to claim that something was lost in translation and I felt like a total fool.

Thanks for the chuckle about the "Oklahoma!" bit as well. Solid comment.

8:50 PM

Sarah - Thanks for catching the fact that my dates were off on the my Dear Diary section. I have made the changes and today's entry was made on April 47th, 2089. We run a tight ship here an NMH. Quality is our top priority. That, and bacon.

Also, you made a reference about the "First Anon" commenter who said some fairly nasty things about me and Mormons in general. I deleted that comment. The new "First Anon" commenter is now the nice person who admitted that she is afraid of parallel parking. I just wanted to let everybody know that you don't have anything against her, per se.

8:55 PM

Amy BTW M - I can totally relate to your fear of driving in blizzards. The closest I have ever come to dying was on the drive home from Las Vegas to Provo during Spring Break. The NMW and I had just enjoyed 90-degree Las Vegas weather and then got hit with a white-out blizzard outside of Nephi or Gunnison or Tocquerville or some other random little Utah town. I couldn't see the road and there was nowhere to exit. The windshield wipers froze to the windshield while we were driving and would not budge. We finally found an exit and got a motel room for the night.

I'm hyperventilating just remembering that terrifying experience. Thanks a lot, Amy!

9:02 PM
Homer and Queen said...

I am afraid of heights too. I'm also afraid that BYU will lose to U of U in football. Scary. Next time your in Vegas come and play Wheelchair Boy in Madden. He will kick you b***! He does great with his 1 working finger...seriously...

11:29 PM
Meredith said...

I have way more fears than I would like to admit, but my biggest one is definitely mice. When not confronted with an actual mouse, I can think about it rationally. Mice are kind of cute. They aren't going to eat my face. They're probably just as scared of me as I am of them. But when I see a mouse, all that goes out the window. I scream, cry, hyperventilate, stand on top of the tallest piece of furniture I can find. It's not pretty.

My second biggest fear-cannibals. Everyone makes fun of me for this. But I think it's totally natural. It's not weird to be afraid of being murdered, right? So why should it be weird that I'm afraid of being murdered and then eaten? And to everyone who says there are no cannibals, oh that's just what they want you to think! So you let your guard down and they can eat your face!

8:24 AM
Nelson said...

Okay this was a great post and hilarious comments. NMH, I'm glad you clarified about the anon poster because I was wondering why it would be so bad for someone to breed that is afraid to parellel park. Sure it is a silly fear but then again most of them are.

I used to be really afraid of heights but when I was 12 my family went on a trip to New York. I went to the top of the Statue of Liberty and looked out the windows and did the same at the top of the World Trade Center. It was scary but I told myself I had to do since we had come all this way and didn't know if I'd ever get the chance again.
Three years later I went bungee jumping in San Diego. I'm still afraid of heights but not nearly as much since those experiences.
I think I'm most afraid now of having something happen to my kids. I'm not really afraid of them breaking their arm or anything like that but more serious stuff like getting hit by a car, falling in a pool, etc. I don't know about everyone else but once I started having kids I have developed a lot more fears.

9:13 AM
elise said...

I have two fears: driving in the snow and someone's hands coming out from under my bed and grabbing my ankles. Yikes. I have to jump into bed from like five feet away every night. My husband thinks I'm funny. I think I need therapy.

9:49 AM
Jolyn said...

A few of my biggest phobias are spiders, flying and heights. I used to love heights. They never really bothered me that much but as I've gotten older, I've developed a fear for heights. I hate flying. too (Does that go hand in hand with a fear of heights?). So it's the safest mode of transportation. Who says? Id really don't care who says because I won't believe them. Ever. Spiders freak me out. I start screaming, my heart beats fast. I sweat. I can totally relate to NMW.

10:14 AM
sondra said...

My dad drove through the mountains just like your dad did, NMH; I think the experienced braced me for when I actually did have a head-on collision with a semi, in an ice storm, on the Pennsylvania turnpike, with an enormous ravine just off the shoulder waiting to devour me.

But that's nothing compared to how scary it is to find a t**k stuck to myself, literally devouring my blood. I'm so paranoid of those critters I can't say the word out loud, or even think it. Worms, spiders, centipedes--those insects don't spread Lyme disease and bury their heads in your flesh!

1:26 PM
Angela said...

I'm afraid of falling. Not heights, falling. In high school we went bungee jumping and the guy at the top had to drop me because there was NO way I was jumping of my own free will.
I also used to freek myself out when I played my bass in the Provo tabernacle. Us basses are forced to play on the very edge of the platform and I'd imagine falling with my bass onto the pews behind me with nothing to grab onto. I can't tell you how relieved I am that we now play at the Provo Arts Center!

1:43 PM
melbel said...

okay, this is weird and all of my friends make fun of me for it, but i'm terrified of the underside of my wrists.

i can't look at them, touch them, think about them, or have any touch them or talk about them. mostly i'm just afraid that one day while i'm looking at them, someone is going to come along and slash them open and i'm going to bleed to death.

it's weird, i know, but it's just such a delicate part of the body, the veins are so close to the surface, and you NEVER KNOW!

plus, the thought of someone having such inner turmoil that they would intentionally hurt themselves by cutting their own wrists makes my stomach churn and my heart ache. i'll take heights any time. wrists, no.

3:15 PM

Surprised no one said water. I'm not afraid of water. I am afraid of water scenes (go ahead and laugh) or more correctly what's in deep water, monsters (go ahead laugh some more). My kids knew it was bad when I closed my eyes during Ice Age 2, animated under water scene (laugh out loud, its ok) I am very secure in my absured paranoia.

4:50 PM
normal mormon wife said...

My lesson learned from this experience: No matter how TERRIFIED you are, if (when?) you find a centipede in your house, you better take care of that sucker right away. Don't let it out of your sight. Because then you'll have to deal with the fear for days. Where is he? Is he hiding in my bed? The shower? Behind that door? Under that dirty sock? Aagh!

Oh, and my other fear that goes along with creepy crawlies is that a bug is going to crawl into my ear while I'm sleeping and lay eggs. It could totally happen.

7:21 PM
Kristy Lou said...

My worst fear is that the new director for the movie Eclipse will turn it into some psycho thriller. JK...had to do it...ha ha...

Actually, my worst fear matches Tiffany's one: closing my eyes to wash my hair in the shower and feeling like some presence is lurking just outside the curtain/door. Yikes. No fun.
One would think that a person could overcome their phobias if forced into the situation. It didn't help me. I was at my in-laws, in the shower, with the bathroom door locked. My husband rattled the door knob--trying to scare me? I smiled to myself, thinking, "good thing I locked the door otherwise he might try to goose me in the shower". While I was washing my hair with my eyes closed (of course), he silently opened the door with some dumb bobby pin or something and goosed me. His intentions were playful, but i was not in the mood. I jumped back, slammed against the opposite wall, slid to the bottom of the tub, curled up into a ball and cried for an hour. All comforting gestures from him were not acknowledged. BTW I was five months pregnant. Yikes, no fun and I still have the same fear.

8:46 PM
Kristy Lou said...

Oh--and do you know what my mother-in-law's comment on the whole situation was??? "Don't you know that you are always supposed to keep one eye open when you wash your hair?" How retarded is that?

8:49 PM
beth said...

I'm scared of falling, but mostly because it happens to me a lot and I usually come away with a broken bone. So of course I married a super outdoorsy guy that makes me come mountain biking and hiking with him. And instead of warning me about potential hazards, he watches to see if I will crash/trip/fall so that he can come help me afterwards. I'm also terrified of snakes and one day we had one in our house about 9:00 a.m. I threw a cake pan over it and stacked about 10 textbooks on top and then called my husband and begged him to come home and take care of it. However, he had important "meetings" and couldn't. So I had to spend 7 hours outside of the house because I couldn't be in there with that monster. I spent a lot of money that day to punish him. My husband is a poop!

(Okay, he's actually amazing, but is a poop about these two particular things. Oh, and he's terrified of spiders, so I always have to be the one to kill them)

9:17 AM
beth said...

Just to make those with bug phobias even more paranoid, I had a roommate at Ricks who had a beetle crawl into her ear and die. Now every time I have a cold and my ears get clogged, I'm terrified that it has happened to me.

I think 90% of my phobias can be blamed on having two older brothers: snakes in my bed, worms in my bed, worms always flying at me out of nowhere, pet snakes always getting out of their cages and roaming the house. It was horrible.

9:33 AM
Pappy Yokum said...

Anything to do with needles is my phobia. I can't even think about it without getting chills and starting to get light headed. I better go now before I pass out.

11:54 AM

I am deathly afraid of falling. Not heights, falling. I have no problem being high off the ground. But, as soon as I think about the possibility, however remote, of falling, I freak out. Height doesn't matter, either. Even the thought of tripping up the stairs or over my own clumsy feet sends me into panic mode.

Spiders are a close second. Blech.

12:04 PM
Heather said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I couldn't stop laughing through the whole post! Thank you for the play-by-play 911 call transcript. It was absolutely freakin hilarious!

Now about those fears... My worst fear is losing my kids. I have had some pretty awful nightmares about that. My regular fears stem from too much t.v. as a kid. One t.v. movie had these creepy little ape/monkey things terrorizing a woman in her new house. While she was taking a shower, they came out from under the sink cabinet and tried to scare her. It worked. Finally, when they did get her, they dragged her to an unused furnace door in the basement and took her down to their home. Her husband is calling her name in the background as she is being taken and he never finds her again. Another movie, which was kind of parodied in a Halloween Simpsons special, was about a Tiki doll with face mask harpooning a lady, while, you guessed it, in the the bath tub.
Let's put it this way, if I shower in a bathroom that has a non see-through curtain, I'm always checking to see if someone is looking at me. The curtain is never shut all the way either. In my own shower, we have a see-through door. I'm still on the lookout for those monkey things anyway.
I can sympathize with you, NMH, on the heights thing. My husband does not like heights either. But if given the chance, he will go on ferris wheel with me, although he is white knuckled the whole time on the ride and won't let go of the bar until the ride is at a complete standstill. Great fun for me, I'm laughing the whole time, and rocking the boat, while he's glaring at me and telling me wait till we get home lady. He likes to scare me at night when it's dark in the house. Since I've been married to him for almost 14 years this Aug. and have known him for almost 17 years, I'm pretty used to this, but he does get me on occasion. He likes to wait by the bathroom door on all fours, and growl when I come out of the bathroom. People don't expect being attacked at that height, so it usually freaks me out.
Then I have to plan my attack for sometime later in the week. Great fun at our house. We even have our 4 kids trying to scare each other, and us. Although the youngest is only a year old so we don't scare him, but the almost 3 year old loves to try and scare her daddy. It's kinda hard to be scared of a cute little bunny, but we act the part. Sorry this is sooo long. Didn't mean it to be. Thanks again for the laugh! Loved it!

12:14 PM
Delise said...

No question...moths freak me out! They are unpredictably random flyers, who knows how or where they lay their eggs (better not be my hair), they come out at night and are ghostly. Plus, they leave dusty crap all over when I finally gets gutsy enough to sqash them. Ewww.

Close second are eels. Can't stand their creepy, buggy eyes. I had to walk past one on my way to a class at BYU everyday one sememster and have never been the same since. Gross!!!

2:38 PM
M-O-R-G-A-N-'S said...

NMW just cracked me up and grossed me out at the same time with her "bugs laying eggs in your ear" comment. :o)

Fears not listed in order:
1. Heights, I couldn't go to the last level on the Eiffel Tower. I was shaking too bad, so I sent my 2 year old with my parents and my husband stayed with me. HA!
2. Creep Crawlies/insects/bugs..whatever...once I was stung by 12 bees at one time.
3. Someone breaking in my house and harming me in any fashion.
4. Being home ALONE. This happened once before my talk on Sunday. No kids or husband all night. I was up until 4 am and church was at 8:30. My fear became part of my talk..lol I had all lights on in the house, TV on and my good old Twilight book but still FREAKED OUT! Maybe this fear comes from someone breaking in or close to getting in, to almost every home I have lived in and sometimes while being home as a child growing up.
Which would also applies to #3.

Great post as always. Thanks for the laughs even at the expense of your wife. She MUST love you..haha

11:31 PM
Scrap Happy said...

I'm so with the NMW on the centipede thing. SAME thing happened to me. When we lived on the east coast. Thank goodness we're back in the west now, away from such nasty things. I'd take a scorpion over a centipede any day.

7:41 PM
Anonymous said...

My biggest fear is that one day I'll do something awful to my children, then they'll be taken away by CPS and my life will be ruined by remorse and regret.

5:36 PM
carrie said...

NMW - we share the same fears. I might have cried has I lost the CEN-TUH-PEED. And, had that happened on my way out the door to something, I guarantee you I would have been late, because I wouldn't have been able to leave the house with the unknown. (It's happened before with a moth that wouldn't go out the door.) And, as a kid, and still some as an adult, I can't go within sights distance of an earwig if I run across one, run like somethings threatening my life, because I was convinced they were called earwigs because they were going to CRAWL INTO MY EAR! Whew. Where is my brave brave sexy man? Ü

6:59 PM
Anonymous said...

I too have a problem with heights. I was vacationing in Rome with my husband and some friends a few years ago when a few of us decided to take the elevator to the top of Saint Peter's Basilica. I wasn't sure about this but I was told that the roof was not frightening. It was so huge and flat with barriers preventing you from going up to the edge that it didn't feel like a roof. This proved to be true, however, after looking around, we discovered that the down elevator was on the other side of the roof. The nice guard told us to go through a door, follow a hallway, and then we'd come out on the other side. So, off we went. I went through the door, walked about 10 yards or so down a curving hall and then walked out through another door only to discover that I was now on the narrow catwalk situated at the top of the inside of the basilica where the dome meets the drum and the rest of the building. I immediately started hyperventilating and pushing little old Italian women aside as I ran for the door. A concerned friend followed (probably to make sure I didn't get arrested for assalting the elderly.) Once my breathing regulated a bit, he explained that I had to go back onto the catwalk and make my way about one-fourth of the way around the dome to get to the other elevator. After some discussion on the matter, including my assertion that I would die if I tried, he convinced me and so, off we went again. He walked with me, guiding me (my eyes weren't really open most of the way), walking on the outside of the walkway blocking my view of the humongous open space that was trying desperatley to suck me out over the fence into the abyss that waited. When I got to the other side, it was all I could do to not fall down on the ground sobbing with relief.
My wonderful, loving husband did not understand my distress since I walk the rim of the Grand Canyon as often as possible. The Grand Canyon however, doesn't sneak up on me. I see it coming quite a ways away and I have a chance to prepare for it. This walkway did sneak up on me though and while I would love to return to Rome, no one will be able to lure me on to the roof of Saint Peter's again.

7:22 PM