It's March. I'm Mad. Seriously. I'm Mad.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Bad Ideas: Eat yellow snow. Bite the hand that feeds you. Rock the boat. Seek shelter under a tree during a lightening storm. Kick a sleeping dog. Alter the past when you happen to travel back in time.

HORRIBLE Idea: Pick a Final Four consisting of Duke, Louisville, Syracuse and Memphis. Yep, that was my Final Four. Nope, none of them made it that far. In fact, only Louisville advanced beyond the Sweet Sixteen. My bracket this year stunk worse than a group of male high school students four hours after a Taco Bell run.

And to make matters worse, my March Madness stinkiness was on public display for all of you to witness. And mock. I invited all of you to join the NMH March Madness league a few weeks ago and a total of 38 of you decided to fill out a bracket. When it was all said and done, I finished tied with another guy for 35th place. I even had people in the league posting comments like, "Not looking good for the NMH" and, my personal favorite, "The Commissioner Just Got Destroyed!!" Glad I could be there for you fellas, kind of like how a pinata must feel some sort of fulfillment as a 9-year-old with a Louisville Slugger beats the crud out of him as his candy goes spilling all over the pavement.

The only two people who finished below me this year were women, meaning that every other male in the competition beat me.

I am officially turning in my Man Card.

The Normal Mormon Wife won family bragging rights by beating me and the 7-year-old Normal Mormon Boy. The NMB was beating my wife (er, leading? winning? Beating makes it sound like there are domestic issues going on in my family) going into the championship game tonight. If UNC won, the NMW would overtake the NMB. So the Normal Mormon Boy went to bed chanting "Go Michigan State!", but it looks like my genes were too strong for the boy to make a pick that actually turned out well and he lost. The NMW finished in a respectable 12th place while the NMB finished 18th overall. Nice job, babe. I feel like Bobby Riggs congratulating Billy Jean King at the net right now...

Speaking of the Battle of the Sexes, the men soundly beat the women this year (I mean, destroyed? annihilated? vanquished?) by an average score of 99 to 93. We are men. Hear us roar! Except for me. I don't count anymore.

When I set up the NMH March Madness league I also promised to give away certain meaningful basketball cards to the winner, runner-up, and the overall loser. So, everybody, please put your hand together for this years winners. (Unless you are a sore, bitter loser like me. Then please join me in jeering them and putting their email addresses on multiple spam email lists.)

Overall Winner: Manager - JM, Team - Best. Bracket. Ever.
Runner-Up: Manager - Jordan, Team - Watchmaker
Overall Loser: Manager - MGerb, Team - Roosevelt Kinder Teacher

Winners, please email me at nmhusband [at] hotmail [dot] com with your mailing address to claim your prizes. Because there were some ties, I used total first round points to break the tie for the runner-up and lowest first round point total to determine the overall loser.

Thank you all for playing this year. I am planning on making it an annual tradition.

I just hope that next year I can put an (M) next to my name again.

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Anonymous said...

HOw can I be the overall loser? I thought there were some people below me! MGerb

10:42 PM
Amy's Paradigm said...
This comment has been removed by the author. 11:05 PM
Amy's Paradigm said...

I am sorry for your loss. I realize that hurting a mans chauvinism is probably the worst type of pain.

I am a UMM (unusual Mormon Mom).I do not know a thing about professional ball. I can't even talk about sports because I don't know what sport a team plays.

Listening to the news, I imagine the broadcaster switches to Latin for the sports section because I understand none of the terms. My family growing up never watched sports on t.v. and I am afraid I have carried on the evil tradition. So, I consider myself a sports retartd.

My sister is as sport retarded as I am, but when we worked in the same office we filled out forms to be in the office pool. It took a long time to figure out because we kept inadvertantly writing in names of teams for football instead of bastketball. When it was all said and done, my sister won the pool. She attributes her success to choosing the toughest mascot for each game. Just thought that might make it not hurt so much.

If she could win knowing nothing then perhaps your loss means you know a lot about the game (just don't think this through too deeply and it might help).

11:05 PM

11:13 PM
normal mormon wife said...

Woo hoo! Family bragging rights for a year! Thank you, Tar Heels!

5:03 AM
Mandi said...

I feel fairly ok about my 20th place finish... but only after hearing that NMH was 36th. Not too bad... for a girl!!

8:22 AM

M-Gerb - You and "All About the Upsets" tied with 50 points, but you lost the tiebreaker since you had fewer points in the first round. There were two other teams that registered but did not make picks, so they didn't count. I guess you could say that you finished ahead of those two, but that's like a marathon runner saying that he beat the people sitting in the crowd. (You're a good sport, by the way.)

2:16 PM

Mandi - Ummm...are you calling me a girl? If so, I have no comeback.

2:17 PM
dave said...

Concerning your proposition that time travel is a bad idea: There are many theories concerning time travel and the effect it may have on the future. Some theories propose that any history changing action the time traveler caused would not be noticed once the traveler returned to his time because he would return to a world where the altered event was the reality. Other theories argue that when events are changed by the traveler, the universe instantly splits into two possible universes. One universe would contain the world as it was before the time traveler traveled and the other universe would contain the world with the change effected. There is currently not agreement as to which world the traveler would return to find. This is similar to Einstein's ball in a box theory which states a ball in a box is simultaneously all colors until you open the box and see what color it is in your universe. And of course, even the possibility of time travel is brought into question with such theories as the grandfather paradox. This famous paradox asks the question what would happen if a man went back in time and killed his grandfather before he had children? Then the man's father wouldn't have been born or the man. In which case the man couldn't have gone back in time to kill his grandfather. In which case the grandfather would not have been killed and would have had children and the man would have been born. In which case he could have gone back in time and killed his grandfather.... You get the point.

I'm not sure what basketball has to do with any of this.

6:20 PM

Dave-My existence has now split into two universes. One of these universes is a happy place that existed before your mind-altering comment. The other universe has me repeatedly killing Einstein's grandfather as retribution for the whole ball-in-a-box theory.

Somehow I think the island from Lost needs to be part of this conversation.

7:58 PM
Anonymous said...

I am sorry I hurt your feelings but missouri did destroy your overall pick.
I hope you dont mind me reading your blog.

9:12 AM
Natalie said...

AH HA HA HA. That is what you get for not picking Carolina!

8:16 AM